...livin' on the edge'
When did life get so expensive?
I'm sitting here, having finally seen a couple of flats which look remotely habitable, trying to work out which one of the two, if either, I can afford. One is slightly over my budget, but is a leasehold property, so has a service charge of £100 per month; the other is within my budget but has a share of freehold and has a service charge of nearly £200 per month. On paper it's only £100 but when taken in the context of all the other bills and expenses we have nowadays, £100 is a lot - particularly as I have nothing but a chest of drawers and a mattress by way of furniture so will have to find a way of furnishing the flat. I have considered pretending I'm going for the minimalist look and just getting in a couple of beanbags, but I am 37 so do require a proper, comfortable bed and somewhere to hang my clothes as the very least.
Thinking about how much money I'm going to need each month has made me realise just how ludicroudly expensive life has become. I earn a good salary and have a big deposit and yet I'm finding this flat-buying experience ruddy difficult. How on earth do most people in London manage? I look around my wonderful team sometimes and think 'you're going to have to move out to get a place of your own' - and, indeed, two of them already have, choosing to face daily commutes in from Leighton Buzzard and Towcester respectively. Towcester!!! - that's practically Birmingham. Ok, this has enabled them to buy a property but they're then faced with annual travel bills of £3,000+ for the rights to wedge their nostrils into someone's sweaty armpits every morning.
Of course I could join them (not literally) and move further out, but I LOVE London and don't just want it to be a place I work. I want to be able to feel the buzz in the evening, to get lost in new and exciting parts at weekends and it's still the place where I find the biggest concentration of my friends. That doesn't meant that I couldn't move to cheaper areas, but I'm reluctant to do this. As everyone who knows me will know, I love a bit of security, to be surrounded by safe and familiar people and places. I've found it hard enough accepting that I can't live in Putney and might have to be a mile or two down the road, so suddenly upping sticks to Beckton or Hackney or Surbiton just feels wrong.
Added to this is typical male pride. It's bad enough being dumped, but to have to then give up most of the rest of your previously happy life, and disappear into the sunset to the other side of town away from friends and familiarity is just rubbing salt in the wounds, frankly. Yes, I could have a spanking flat, but I don't want to spend every evening sitting in it thinking about all the fun everyone else is having without me!
It's bizarre when you think about it. London is filled with thousands of homes. Every day I walk down streets, roads and closes and think 'I could live here' and yet I can't even begin to afford most of them. Who's buying them all? Maybe they're all filled with pensioners who have lived there for sixty years, unaware of the value of the bricks and mortar around them? I know a lot of people blame bankers, but having lived with one for eight years whilst I can confirm that they do live in a different stratosphere financially and although they are all lovely people, have little idea what the average person on the street goes through, even they can't afford to go round hoovering up properties like my Mother buying cardigans at an M&S sale.
So, staying around the are is more expensive. So, faced with this property conundrum, I've been looking into my potential outgoings to see where I can potentially make savings. Of course, there are some things you just can't be without. In priority order these include:
1. Sky TV - an absolute must. I watch Eurosport and Sky Sports more than any other channels. OK, I can compromise on Movies, which I never watch, but this still comes in at £52 a month with broadband and Sky + (which I place marginally ahead of the wheel in all-time greatest inventions)
2. National Lottery - I've played the same two lines for every lottery draw since its inception. If I stopped playing, I would still find myself checking the numbers every draw, so I can't take the risk. £18 a month
3. Electricity - required to power Sky and the TV. Lighting also a bonus as is the ability to power other applicances. £30 a month
4. Gas - heating is good. I don't like the cold or being cold. And I can't knit £40 a month
5. Water -very useful for someone who likes having a bath. Quite like being able to flush the loo too. £25 a month
6. TV Licence - apparently illegal not to have one, although I'd like to know what the BBC have done with all the dosh they made from pimpingTinky Winky et al around the world. £15 a month
7. Mobile Phone - £26 a month contract. I'm clevely limited from spending too much more by the fact the ruddy thing doesn't get a signal in most of the western world
8. Contact lenses - £25 a month. Required for two reasons: I can't see through my glasses as they're no longer strong enough, but can't afford a new pair and I'm single - few people actively prefer a 'speccy twat'
9. Home Insurance - a potential saving. For if I have no furniture I don't anything to insure. Hmm, could be a cunning plan here. If I do get it it's c. £50 a month due to having made a claim recently - having added Piggy to my policy he promptly got his £2,000 bike nicked the following day.
10. Life insurance - £25 a month. I took this out to cover my half of the mortgage on the previous property so that the ex wouldn't get clobbered for my half of the mortgage. Given it's just me now, do I still need this? A potential saving. Hoorah!
11. Gym membership - £51 a month. I'm short and nearly 40. This means that I only have to walk past a chocolate eclair and I put on a pound. Again this is linked to being single - single people can't afford to be fat! And yes I do use it!
12. Haircut - currently £38 a month, comprising £33 fee and £5 tip. I picked this up from the ex who convined me it was rude not to tip a hairdresser at least £5. Frankly, this strikes me as being overly generous. Do you tip your hairdresser? If so, how much? If not, do they extract their revenge next time by giving you a buble perm you didn't ask for or accidentally losing the blade on the clippers and giving you a Grade 0 line? Again, being single I can't afford to have a mullet. Should I risk a go at Mr Toppers for £7?
13. Macmillan Christmas Club - £50. This is a scheme run by colleagues at work which is essentially a savings scheme which makes Christmas more doable, by spreading the cost throughout the year.
...add on a council tax (£60), and the small matter of the mortgage - I can only get a repayment mortgage as I don't have a 55% deposit (WTF) - and suddenly the issue of the service charge becomes important.
And then there's the 'discretionary' spend the bit that's left over after all of the above for everything else. Of course you can always cut back, but there's only so many jacket potatoes a man can eat. Similarly, being single means that any social interaction requires going out - and you can hardly go out and drink lime and soda can you? Certainly not when there's a recession on and we all need to put more money into the economy. In all seriousness, my days of 8 holidays a year have long gone. I think I shall be lucky to get one from now on.
So, what have I concluded from all these musings? Well, it can be summed up as follows:
- Life is expensive
- Being single is ridiculously expensive
- I'm going to have to make cutbacks - friends empathy would be appreciated...'please come to dinner on Friday, we've booked a table at the Fat Duck' would just be plain mean. I should point out that, no, this doesn't mean that if you invite me round I'm rocking up with Asda's own Bucks Fizz, but it does mean that the days of buying Veuve have now passed. I will be taking advantage of 'offer's so be warned!
- If I'm going to own a home, I'm going to have to live on the edge of financial security, something I'm not overly comfortable with. Actually this scares the hell out of me
- I'm not going to have much furniture. Everyone is always welcome to visit - I'd love to see you - but you may be sitting on the floor.
- Renting my second bedroom out would make a real difference - but it has to be to someone I know, or someone who knows someone I know! Know anyone who might be interested?
So, based on the above, should I take the plunge and put an offer in? Eeeeeeek!
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