Day 11 (26 May 2011) - 'You had a bad day..'.

...and what a corker of a day it was.  Today's challenge, set by 'im upstairs (and I don't mean Rod Hull) was simply to make it through the day.  Things that happened to me today included:

• Slipping on a wet platform, crashing to the ground  and bruising my satsumas (and no, that isn't a euphamism)
• Sitting through a two hour exam masterclass where every tip given contradicted what I actually did in my CIM exam. 
• Losing my £1,076 annual travelcard
• Watching six months work on a contract potentially go up in smoke at the 11th hour due to a new colleague deciding it wasn't the sort of partnership we should be entering into...and then being left to break the news to the partner.  Funnily enough, they weren't happy.
• Getting caught in a torrential downpour without an umbrella or a coat
• Getting abused by a bus driver

...however I have made it through and after a large glass of wine, the whole day seems so ridiculous that you just have to laugh.  And watching 'the Secret Millionaire' it makes me realise how little I actually have to complain about.  Apparently the millionaire made her fortune on the back of the mantra 'positive thinking leads to positive results'.  How about we all give it a go tomorrow and report back on the findings - what's the worst that can happen?

Tomorrow - back to the challenges! 

Day 10 (25 May 2011) - We're only making plans...

...for Craig.  A bit of poetic license with the XTC classic.  Do people still call their children Nigel?? 

Evening all.  Today, I'll attempt to stick to the brief and avoid the usual array of random ramblings (Even money says I fail to achieve this).  Today I have been making plans - some challenge related, of which, more to follow, and some other life stuff; namely booking viewings for flats.  As an aside (see, told you it wouldn't last long), why do Estate Agents feel the need to lie quite so much?  Yes, I understand the need to stimulate demand, yes you need to talk the market up, but surely there are more subtle ways of doing this than blatant falsehoods.   I spoke to three agents today with the aim of setting up viewings for Saturday i.e. in three days time.  Two out of three declared (with what sounded like a straight-face) that unless I dropped everything and came to view the flat immediately, I would miss out as there were literally 7,000 people beating down their doors slavering to put an offer in there and then.  When my response was 'in that case, best I leave it then, byeee' the rampant hoards seemed to disperse and appointments were arranged.  I should add, that I'm not casting aspersions on all estate agents as I have friends who work in this field...however I'm beginning to think they are the exception.

In more relevant news, I've been trying to firm up details on some of my challenges.  I've checked out flight prices for Lisbon (to see the G), Oslo (for biathlon) and Innsbruck (for t'other biathlon) and all are coming in quite reasonably, so now just need to arrange dates for the first, and see if anyone wants to join me for the biathlon weekends - any takers?  I've contacted Katie to try to arrange suitable dates to stalk Sister Wendy and visit the House of Wax; ordered a balloon modelling kit (more on this later) and found a banjo for £52.  However, I can't seem to find any details on t'interweb on Racing the Planet in Jordan - China, Nepal, Sahara and Chile, yes; Jordan, no.  Am now beginning to wonder whether Iain's challenge to run unaided across the Jordanian desert for five days is a real event or just an excuse to be rid of me - maybe he's never forgiven me for making getting him so drunk one Sunday afternoon that he missed his flight to Singapore?  I've also attempted to put all my commitments into my new smartphone in order to see which weekends I have free in which to slot the domestic events...which is all I've been able to with my phone today.  As I've foolishly chosen to live in the small, rural hamlet called 'London', my phone providers, Virgin Mobile, are unable to provide me with a signal within the flat, unless I hang out of the bedroom window - good job I live on the ground floor.  What happened to Virgin?  Once upon a time they were see as innovative, trusted and well-liked, yet now every interaction I have with them, be it Virgin Mobile, Virgin Money or Virgin Money Giving is all a little bit shit.  C'mon Dickie B, sort it out.

In exciting news, more challenges have been added:
24. Learn to juggle / do magic tricks / make balloon animals to amuse Florence on her birthday (Alex / Caroline) - that'll teach me for describing one of the challenges as 'not a challenge'. 
25. Take part in the MacRide cycline challenge (Bernadette) - sadly I'm having to pass on this one...and before you say 'but you told us not to allow you to pass on any' the dates clash with two big work events I am already committed to, so short of quitting my job (don't you dare), this one is out for this year.  Sorry Mrs H.
26. Learn to love dogs (Jo. D) - Jo is another of those very clever, very determined people I am full of admiration for.  She couples this with an honesty and integrity which is so rarely seen nowadays.  She's also jolly smart, so somewhere along the way she's picked up on my fear of all things canine.  I used to tell people I'd been bitten as a child - well, I'm fessing up; this was a total lie.  I can think of no reason for my irrational fear of man's best friend, it's jsut always been there (much like my other fear....and if you think I'm sharing that so you can set a related challenge, you can forget it!).  Over the years, as I've been more exposed to dogs, I have got better (makes me sound like a dogger!) but only with certain dogs; the fear of random and strange dogs is still very much alive and well.

So all in all, I think progress has been made - now need to keep the momentum up.  I am still open to more challenges / targets.  If you haven't set me one yet, do it, do it, do it!

Finally, I had the pleasure of having an early doors meeting with an old friend and colleague who will remain nameless as I'm not sure they'd be comfortable with being named publically (and no, it's not Ryan Giggs or Gareth Barry).  This person is an absolute delight and a total fox - in another world I sooo would..or at least I'd have a go...or I might treat myself to a flirt...or I'd probably just run away every time they spoke to me!!  As well as being stunning, she has a great job, a great life and should be totally sorted - and maybe she is.  Yet during our discussion I picked up on a load of insecurities that suggested that what she sees when she looks in the mirror is totally different to what everyone sees.  Maybe I'm misjudgin her and she's every bit as sorted as she deserves to be, but either way it got me thinking - are we all subject to insecurities; things which to us stand out like a big flashing light bulb on our heads but which are oblivious to all but those closest to us, or are there people out there who genuinely have everything sussed and are comfortable with every aspect of themselves.  Is the knowledge of our imperfections and the strive to perfection what keeps us all going and can that perfection ever be achieved?  Maybe we should all stop thinking quite as much and just get on and do things...and this doin' the do is what this experience is all about.  Who knew 90s popstrel, Betty Boo, could be so deep and philosophical.  Now, where are you baby?

Day 9 (24 May 2011) - 'You can hear it when I talk...

...I'm an Englishman in...erm...Edinburgh.

Hola!  Well, the plan to update the blog every day for 365 days didn't go very well, did it?  Thanks to a combination of my phone not allowing me to post and the collective eggheads at Talk Talk b*ggering up my internet connection at home, I managed four days on this pledge - just over 1% achievement.  Hope this isn't a bellwether for the whole year?!

Most of those four days have been spent working in Edinburgh.  A hectic weekend of very long days which gave me precious little time to think about my challenges, let alone tick a couple off.  However, something strange seemed to happen in Edinburgh.  Maybe it was the sea air, maybe it was the ghost of Robbie Burns or perhaps it was simply exhaustion kicking in.  Whatever it was, for some reason I felt supremely confident - in a kinda of 'I own this town' type of way.  Think John Wayne as a small town sheriff (and no, that doesn't mean I wandered around Edinburgh in chaps and a stetson).  It's almost as though being away from home in a strange place where no-one knew me, I could reinvent myself and become someone else.  'But who did you become?' I hear you cry,  'Bruce Forsyth?  Idi Amin?  H from Steps?'  OK, so I didn't actually become someone else - maybe I just relaexed and allowed myself to be me - but clearly there was something in my demanour which altered, as I felt myself walking taller (at one point I swear I reached 5 ft 9) and (and this is where the relevance to the challenge comes in) I became aware that there was flirting occurring.  Oooooohh!  

If I'm honest, the challenge of running through a desert, travelling round the world or learning new skills don't daunt me (the challenge will be to actually do them); no, when I survey the list of my tasks the one that makes me flinch slightly is Kate's flirting.  Now, before you get excited, the Edinburgh flirting wasn't serious flirting and not the kind of flirting you get in Hollywood films or porn movies - I did not develop a large moustache and begin chasing young girls in knee high socks around Arthur's Seat.  However, there were definite occasions of lingering eye contact, big smiles and an awareness that 'I am actually flirting'...and it felt good.  Now, before you rush out to buy a hat, nothing became of it, but that wasn;t ever the point.  Instead, unlike much of the last few weeks, I felt 36 going on 21 not 36 going on 80...which is one of the things I want to get out of those whole experience.  I am only 36 and may only be just over a third of the way through my life...so why have I taken to feeling so very ancient?  Anyway, the random acts of flirting which took place on the plane, in a restaurant, at the Edinburgh Marathon exhibition and in a queue (how terribly British) took me back several years to my last days of being single.  Saturday night after Saturday night, Iain and I would get tanked up and head out into London full of hope and expectation.  He'd be wearing another new shirt, I'd be doused in so much aftershave, I killed off half the nearby Barnes Wetland Centre walking to the bus stop.  Invariably we'd end up on the night bus several hours later bemoaning why we'd not had so much as a sniff (pogoing across the dancefloor probably wasn't the best pulling technique, but hey we had fun)  We'd go for a fry up the following day and pick over the wreckage of the previous night like post-party pathologists and conclude that if we wanted to pull, it might be a good idea to actually make eye contact with people and maybe strike up conversations occasionally...and the following week we'd do exactly the same!  Of course, somewhat ironically (but not suprisingly for those in the know) all my big relationships began in a bumbling Hugh Grant-esque fashion when I wasn't even looking e.g. asking for directions, waiting for a bus or unsuspectingly drunk at a party.  Maybe there's added pressure at being older and single - a bit like being at school when teams are being picked for football and you stand there watching everyone else get picked and hoping you won't be last - maybe it's the fact that having been dumped, the fear of further rejection makes the potential benefits too much of a risk to take - or, more likely, we just look back nostalgically at how easy it was being 21 and on the pull. and in reality it's every bit as scary / nerve-wracking / exciting / daunting etc as it ever was!   Either way, these past 11 weeks are the longest I've been single for 13 years, so I'm determined to seize the moment and embrace being single.  I don't have to compromise, I no longer await instructions as to where I'm going and with whom in any given week and I no longer have to try to work out whether 'our dreams' are really the same as 'my dreams' or whether they're simply somebody else's and I'm merely tagging along for the ride.  In short, people, this is my opportunity to find out exactly who Craig Jonathan Fordham is (if I were a betting man I'd put money on me somewhere between Ronnie Corbett and Thora Hird) and to finally learn to be comfortable with my own company...however, if I'm not going to end up as the mad old bloke in the street that everybody points to, I've clearly got to get better at this flirting lark.  The weekend was a definite start!  More please!

Now all of that was a bit deep (must learn not to blog after drinking Pinot).  So, with that out of the way, I need to take you into a room and tell you how disappointed I am with you all.  No, i'm not angry, just disappointed.  In a previous post I tried to get out of running across Jordan (the country, not the model) on the basis of expense (a £1,900 entry fee) and no-one cried 'foul'.  You need to understand I'm an excuse junkie - give me a sniff of a way out and like a crazed smack addict I will charge full steam to grab hold of it with the usual array of 'I couldn't possibly, it wouldn't work, it's not worth the risk, it's too expensive'.  The point of this exercise is to stop saying 'no' and start saying 'yes'.  Having given myself a stern talking to and a quick go with the bedny ruler, this challenge is back on - I will simply have to find the money somewhere.  DO NOT LET ME GET OUT OF ANY OF THESE CHALLENGES THAT EASILY!!!

On that note, it only remains for me to wish Happy Birthdays to Shelley & Stuart.  For those of you who grew up in Anglia, I actually have my hand up BC's bottom whilst typing this (as glove puppets go, he was particularly poor and always  looked as though he'd just come in from a hard night).

Tomorrow, more news on further challenges.  Try not to get too giddy with excitement.

Day 4 (19 May 2011) - Written in the Stars

Oi Oi!

Apologies in advance, today's post is going to be on the brief side (I can hear the collective sigh of relief from here).  Today has been all about a three hour mock-exam which was too tedious to burden you with details, suffice to say 'THANK GOD IT WAS ONLY A MOCK'!

As a result, progress on Challenges has been slow, other than the fact I've worked out that if I complete them all (excluding the Round the World Yacht Race) I will cover 13,326 miles.  However, I'm beginning to get cold feet on some of them - this always happens - particularly the Jordanian 5-Day Desert Marathon...not because it will be ridiculously hard, not because less than 50% of people finish it, not only cos it means spending five days alone with Iain in which he will undoubtedly kill me (digression alert).  Many years ago we went on holiday together to the Canaries and booked a cheap package that flew out of Gatwick at silly am in the morning (before the tubes got going).  Being poor, I persuaded Iain to head to Gatwick the night before and sit it out.  The airport was pretty deserted so we were left pretty much along to amuse ourselves.  I think we got about 18 minutes in before he shouted at me to 'shut the f*ck up' after which we enjoyed several hours of silence (I wasn't fussed, I had the tickets!).  Anyway, the reason for my chilly plates, is the entry fee of £1,996.  Good God man, I could fly to Australia for that - that would be an interesting vote to run.  So, my head is telling me to bail on this one before I've even put my running shoes on.  Advice / words of encouragement etc needed. 

Right, back to the point of today's post.  Is life all pre-planned and is it all fate, are we masters of our own destiny or is it somewhere in between?  I got thinking on this subject today as I perused the musings of astrologer to the stars (get it, get it??), Shelly von Strunckel (for goodness sakes, there is no way that's her real name - looks more like an Enid to me) for myself and the 8.bits % of the rest of the universe who happen to be Leos.  I quote:

'The deeper you go, the more you'll learn. The resulting discussions may be time consuming and may prevent you from doing something.  Once those facts are clear however, you'll take a decisive action only once.'

Wooooooooooo - spooky or what (probably 'what').  This whole experience is certainly very deep (well by my standards), these discussions are ceetainly time consuming and they are preventing me from doing something i.e. sleeping.  It's the last bit that's the real mystery.  It sounds even better when you say it in the style of Michelle from the French Resistance.  What will that decisive action be - will it be one of my many challenges - and why will I only take it once (clearly you get nothing for a pair).  Time will tell - or will it?  If I sit back and do nothing (my preferred position - and no, not in that way, filthy lot...erm... I appear to have turned into Frankie Howerd); if I sit back and do nothing, will this 'thing happen only once' anyway or is down to me to make it happen and, if so, what do I do to make it happen - is it like waiting for a bus or do I have to 'Runaround' like a mad thing trying to find it.  Any advice - or directions / orders -  genuinely and gratefully received. 

Right, it's now turned Friday (HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEVEN) so time for bed.  I'm off to Edinburgh for the weekend on a work thing, so may not post again until Monday.  Fret ye not, I shall be looking for a banjo, trying to break a record and having a go at the flirting thing. 

Okay Tinie, i'll start you just try and follow 'Oh, written in the stars, a million miles away, a message...'

c
x

Day 3 (18 May 2011) - We live on borrowed time...

...don't worry I'm not getting that deep just yet, merely the Ipod fairy delivering a touch of The Manilow to my ears, so was singing along.  It's somewhat ironic that the song 'We live on borrowed time' is all about living for today and not worrying about the past or the future and yet it's being sung by a man who has had so many facelifts that his ears now meet round the back of his head.  Bless the Barry. 

Anyway, here we are,  Day Three of 'The Challenge' and it's all getting rather exciting.  Not only do I have over twenty challenges / aims  to complete / do (yes, that does say over twenty, for more have arrived today) this blog has amassed three followers - and, yes, they are all real people who have claimed to have read the blog and not merely spammers from Russia looking for middle-aged men with deep pockets to marry, or offering me herbal versions of viagra (tried it once, got stuck in my throat and went round with a stiff neck for weeks.  Boom boom!*).  If I were in PR or External Affairs I'd probably tell you that this is how the Obama campaign began...but I'm not, so I won't.

I'm aware that my previous musings have been somewhat on the the verbose side, so for those in a hurry or with a short attention span, I'll say now that I haven't completed any further tasks today - I have not attempted to foist my attentions on a random stranger, have not ventured outside of London and Sister Wendy is still safely ensconced in her caravan, blissfully unaware that Katie & I are coming to find her - so you can move along now if you wish.

This whole blog thing is really weird (I can see all three of you nodding your heads).  Although it's just a medium for a rambling brain dump - so very little difference from an actual conversation with me - there is something about committing words to...whatever or wherever words go in cyberspace (maybe there's a little man who collects them all up and takes them somehere...maybe it's Metal Mickey?                            Pauses for moments silence for Irene Handl - ask your parents)...wherever these words end up (recycling bin anyone one?) there is something rather exposing about putting thoughts, words and decriptions of deeds out there for everyone to see - and I'm not used to being exposed (be-have).  It's part liberating, tinged with a sprig of naughty guilt (as it all feels so self-indulgent), part pressurised at actually coming up with something to say (I've got over that bit thus far and am just spouting - you might have noticed) and yet very cathartic at the same time.  Without going into too much detail - it's only Day 3 after all -  it beats over-analysing, which on recent form only seems to result in a build up of sadness / frustration / anger / vengefulness (and that last one in particular is a horrible trait  I've never wanted to lumber myself with...it's also quite possibly a made-up word) and ultimately doesn't actually resolve anything.  Of course, most importantly in my case, the reason for doing it is to make an open commitment to get off my backside, push myself and have a real crack at life whilst I am (mostly) devoid of responsibilities.  A most surprising, and unforeseen aspect has been three people have spoken  / contacted me today saying they wish they could write a blog, but don't have the nerve..maybe I'm not alone in consistently playing things too safe.

Right, you've come on here to hear about my various events and challenges, so I best update you on the latest additions.  On top of the 20 outlined in yesterday's post, I now have the following to target / look forward to:

21. Visit Ellie & Jay in Spain (Ellie) - hoorah, more travelling.  Oi Chalmers - move over Grandma!  Not sure exactly how I'm paying for all this travelling (am supposed to saving my pennies for a deposit on a flat, which is already a bit of a stretch) - but it'ds exactly that sort of sensible talk that's landed me here in the first place.  Oh well, you're in control. 
22. Truly believe how FAB you r (Amanda B) .  ((Oh, schucks)).  Bit embarrassing this one, but this experience is about being honest and more confident, so there it is.  I didn't say it, someone else did and money did not change hands.  Not quite sure how I'll measure this one, but as it comes from my Director and we're in the middle of a restructure, I shall very much accept it and jump to the conclusion that my P45 isn't in the post (now panicing that that is an assumption too far??)
23. Complete a Charity Challenge in Guatemala (Rachel).  BIG thanks for Rachel for giving me a pass on the £25k yacht race and downgrading expectations.  I'm only joshing with you Rach - will look into it and give it some serious consideration.  Am now slightly worried about annual leave entitlement - any views on this?  Are all of these challenges obligatory??
24. Attend Sophie Ladds' Hen Night (Katie & Sophie).  Right, so yesterday I stated that I was terrified at the prospect of a night out with Juanita and her cougar mates (no offence Juanita), and so now I'm going on a hen night?!  Should be a giggle, particularly as it involves the Sisters Ladds - I'll never forget Sophie getting me absolutely legless at Katie's wedding; a fine, amusing drunk if ever I met one!  And, as Sophie is marrying a c'leb and there will be celebrity presence at the wedding, there may just be the chance of some hob-nobbing with the great and the good of the televisual world (I'm going to turn into that mad old woman who waits outside hotels and hugs celebs, aren't I?)

...but there is room for more. So, if you haven't yet chucked an idea my way, why not do it now (Stop blogging might be a good start?). 

That's yer lot for today.  Stand down everyone.

Right, Manilow, where were we?








* Clearly that was a fabricated story for the sole purpose of getting a cheap joke in.  In keeping with the spirit of this challenge, I have never taken anything stronger than a Lemsip.  This is NOT a reason for someone to challenge me to get a crack habit.

Day 2 (17 May 2011) - Infamy, Infamy...

...they've all got it in for me.  Wa-hey, you can't beat a good Carry On line.

Right, Day 2 of the challenge and so far, so good.  Having appealed to my friends and colleagues via the medium of social media and facebook, a number of challenges, goals and objectives have been laid down.  Here's the list as it currently stands:

1. Abseil down the Royal Liverpool Hospital (Michelle) - quite specific that one, but hey I've never abseiled.  So far so good.

2. Run 'Racing the Planet - Jordan' in May 2012 (Iain).  Five marathons in five days, carrying all your equipment across a desert.  Hmmm, thanks for that one Clarky, but OK I asked for challenges and, hey, I've run marathons before. Why not?!

3. Attend the Biathlon World Cup at Holmenkollen, Oslo in 2012 (Ingrid).  I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE biathlon (a combination of skiing and shooting for the uninitiated); a love which stemmed from hungover Saturday mornings watching Eurosport.  I've been to Sweden and Italy, twice, to watch it live (which is where I met the fantastic Ingrid, Ellen, Kathrin and Annika), but never to Norway, the spiritual home of the sport and where the aforementioned ladies comprise the organising committee.  I'm welll up for this one - thanks Ingrid!

4. Attend the Biathlon World up in Antholz, Italy (Ellen).  So, more biathlon, and in beautiful Antholz, which basically means three days solid drinking in beer tents, dancing on tables to bizarre Austrian rock bands performing bizarre covers of British standards.  Oh, this is going very well so far.

5. Take part in the Clipper Round the World Yacht Race (Rachel).  Oooookaaay.  So, I've never sailed, have never had any interest in sailing, regard myself as a weak swimmer and need £25,000 to take part.  This may need some thought.  Anyway, onwards.

6. Complete an Ironman Triathlon (Jimmy).  An Ironman!  That'll be a 3.2 mile swim, a 140 mile cycle and a marathon - back to back.  Right now, I can just about swim 40 lengths of the pool, providing I'm able to grab hold of a rail every two lengths.  Right, this is all beginning to look slightly daunting.

7. Find Sister Wendy's caravan (Katie).  Now this is more like it!  For some strange reason I have a thing about Nuns.  Maybe it was my Mum's love of the Sound of Music, who knows? Yet even today in my mid-thirties I give a little woop of joy at the sight of a sister of the cloth.  This is something Katie, one of my oldest and dearest friends (not to mention one of my most amusing) shares with me, so over the years we have bought each other various Nun-related gifts - and Sister Wendy is a particular fave.  From calendars, to Racing Nuns to mugs, I seem to own quite a lot of Nun-stuff (for my part I once bought Katie a Nun-fancy dress costume, which she turned up at my flat in London wearing!)  Don't worry, Katie, I shan't mention the photo of you in the Nun outfit whilst 8 months pregnant :-)  This is the sort of objective I was hoping for - easy and very, very funny.  Looking forward to this one.

8. Visit Louis Tussauds' House of Wax in Great Yarmouth (Katie).  Quite simply the world's finest and funniest tourist attraction.  If you haven't been, go.  If you have been, go again.  Looking forward to this one too!

9. Speak Portuguese, badly, to strangers in Festa (Helen).  I should explain that Helen (The G) lives in Festa in Portugal and like a bad friend, I haven't yet been to visit her.  G is exactly the sort of person I aspire to be.  I'm struggling with the thought of living a mile away from Putney and yet she has relocated twice - first to Jersey and now to Portugal and always with a sense of grit and detemrination that she will make it work...and she always does.  Portugal here I come - armed with a phrase book.

10.Attend Florence's 1st birthday party in Cornwall (Alex).  This is neither an objective nor an ambition, but a very easy and simple delight.  Florence is my beautiful God-daughter and spending time with her and her parents, Alex & Chris, is always a total joy. 

11. Win a pub quiz (Kat).  Now I love a pub quiz, but sadly few of my friends share my enthusiasm so I've not been to one for years - a classic example of the lack of get up and go this whole experience is designed to deal with.  Kat is super-brainy so I shall be enlisting her for this one.  I suspect we may still have to attend a few before I can tick this one off the list.

12. Survive a night out on the town with the Birmingham Cougars (Juanita).  LOL!  Juanita is an example of why I love my job.  We first met on a cycling challenge c.8 years ago and she is nothing short of inspirational having taken on numerous cycling challenges since.  Although she recently turned *0, she has an attitude and zest for life which makes her appear significantly younger...however she's devilishly mischievous so I admit that a night out in Birmingham with her friends sounds terrifying.  Please me gentle with me Juanita!!!

13. Experience the maritime delights of Portsmouth (Jon).  Ok, so this is turning into a Tour of Britain, but hey I've never been to Portsmouth, let alone sampled its maritime delights, so this one should be fun.

14. Set up a blog about your challenges (Helen).  Bingo, we have a winner!  Ladies and gentlemen, I present Exhibit A, the accomplishment of challenge number one.  Tick.

15. Be a tourist in London (Helen).  A very fine point, Ms Gray.  I've lived in London for 13 years and yet have seen so little of it.  I might have some fun with this one and actually dress up as a tourist - I might devise a dodgy foreign accent for the day!  Will be looking for cohorts on this one.

16. Get up on stage and sing (Helen).  Which stage?  If it's the London Palladium I'm in trouble,  If Lucky Voice counts, I might just achieve this one fifteen times over! 

17. Break a World Record (Kate).  This one crossed my mind.  Just need to find a record to break - ideas welcomed.

18. Invent something (Kate).  Niiiice.  Is it wrong to want to invesnt something James Bond-esque like a pen that fires bullets oran impervious Nun's habit?  (Note to self, must limit the number of references to Nuns to avoid looking weird).

19. Flirt with a stranger every day for a month (Kate).  Is this the same stranger each time?  If so, do they stop being a stranger after the first week...and what happens if they take out an injunction against me? This one ought to excite me and to be honest the blokey part of me is going 'wa-hey' (accompanied by all sorts of inapproporate gestures) and yet I am the world's worst flirt.  Previous attempts at flriting have resulted in people asking if I'm OK or need any help!  Similarly if anyone looks at me for longer than about a millisecond I immediately think I must have a large bit of snot sprawled across my face...actually, in most cases I do!  This is going to test me

20.Learn to play happy birthday on the banjo (Kate) I hoped there'd be a musical one, but was kinda hoping for a recorder.  Not quite sure where I'm going to find a banjo, let alone how I'm going to learn to play it.  Let the George Formby impressions commence!

..and that, ladies and gentlemen is how it stands.  In summary, I've got some physical challenges, some emotional ones, some skills-based ones, a couple of mental ones (in every sense of the word) and ones which get to the core of what this whole exercise is about.  There's a lot of travel involved, a lot of training required and some stalking thrown in for good measure (I will get struck down in Walsingham Forest). But this needn't be it, so keep the ideas coming.

Day 1 (16 May 2011) - Trust me on the Sunscreen

Well world, this is it  – the start of my first challenge.  Woop!

Prompted by the I-Pod fairy who yesterday, during one of those moments of deep introspection and general moroseness that I've always been prone to on dull, Sunday afternoons, delivered me ‘Everybody’s Free to Wear Sunscreen’ by Baz Luhrmann, the idea for this challenge began to take shape.  Granted, it’s not much of a song – totally devoid of a tune for much of it’s 5-odd minutes – and a terrible cover of the old Rozalla classic (whatever happened to Rozalla??), but for all it’s musical blandness those lyrics delivered by that ol’ chap,  always seem to strike a chord with me.  Yes, it’s cheesy, and the advice is hardly earth-shatteringly innovative,  but hey, I'm the cheesiest person I know and ultimately, it’s not a bad reflection on how to live  life.  As I thought about the words, mumbling them aloud as I walked down the High Street (one of these days I am going to get locked up), it made me realise, how quite appallingly bad I am at the following the advice the song dispenses.

To start at the very beginning, I rarely ever wear sunscreen (or suncream) choosing to cultivate the Des O' Connor mahogony look– a dose of gross hypocrisy from someone who works for a cancer care charity, I know.  It doens't get much better from there on in.    Examples of other abject failures of adherence include the following:

‘Throw away your old bank statements’ – d'oh.  I’ve got reams of them, going back about ten years.  They're all carefully filed in chronological order, but I never even cast a cursory glance at them.  Yet, would I throw them away?  Not on your nelly, you never know when I might...erm...might what?  Decide to spend a weekend reading through 'March 2003' / need to burn them for fuel in the event gas supplies suddenly run out during a particularly cold spell / fashion them into an attactive mackintosh and galoshes combo?  No idea, yet I daren't part with them!

‘Do one thing every day that scares you’ – steady on there!  As someone who can’t deal with my chosen brand of toothpaste / bread / washing liquid (insert several hundred other examples) being out of stock and would rather walk ten minutes to another supermarket than purchase an alternative, actively choosing to scare myself doesn't compute.  Examples of things which send me into a blind panic include losing my keys, leaving the house and suddenly remembering I've left a window open, and reading about some new symptoms of some terrible debilitating illness, after which said symptoms mysteriously develop within a matter of hours.

‘Stretch’ – Now I get the point of stretching, but I’ve run five marathons, eight half marathons and covered thousands of miles.  Have I ever stretched?  Have I buffalo (to borrow a line from Victoria Wood - there kight be a few of those during the next 365 days).   I’d rather moan about the aches and pains, the stiff knees and the fact that at the age of 36 I’m convinced I’m shrinking, than put in the ten minutes of stretching required to deal with the lot.  Who knows, maybe had I stretched I could have been 6ft tall after all?!

‘Don’t berate yourself too much’ – don’t get me started on this one.

‘Enjoy your body, use it every way you can.  Don’t be afraid of it or what other people think of it’.  Wooooah, there.  I’m British for goodness sake.  This brings with it a degree of modesty – buying clothes that are way too big in an attempt to hide the lumps and bumps and not allowing anyone to see any flesh between neck and knee.  I've never quite understood how the Germans do it?  Is it law that once you're over 50 or over 50 stone, you have to let it all hang out at every opportunity?  Not content with putting everything on show, many of our Deutsch freundes choose to add various body art embellishments to highlight theire particularly gross bits.  As someone who doesn't even take my t-shirt off on the beach in front of people I know, I fail on this one at every level -  I’d consider converting to Islam for the burka alone!

‘Don’t worry about the future’  Now this is just silly.  The past, the present, the future, someone else’s future, some bloke on Emmerdale, the next door neighbours cat, you name it and I can easily work myself up into a ball or nervous tension over it.

...and so it goes on.  However, in the spirit of fairness and balance (themes which I'm pretty passionate about; well as passionate as I ever get about anything), it's not a completely blank scoresheet.  I never read beauty magazines - not because they make me feel ugly, but because they're utterly tedious; I think I'm nice to my siblings, helped by the fact that both my brothers are absolute legends and two of the nicest, most rounded people you could hope to meet, and I've never seen the appeal of jealousy - why begrudge others their achievements when you can just as easily give yourself a good kicking fo the lack of your own!  Overall, having reflected on the song and the 35 separate pieces of advice within, I score it 14 - 21 in favour of those bits I'm failing on. 

Why am I analysing this now?  Because 2011 has, thus far, been a year of unexpected transition.  It began with absolute certainties and a degree of balance and stability that I've always enjoyed, but five months in it's suddenly all up in the air which is all very scary and unsettling as I can easily talk myself down into the various worse case scenarios -  they tend to end up with me living in a skip in Cumbria, drinking White Lightning out of a paper bag - and yet, on occasions, I'm suddenly aware of the sheer scope of endless possibility which now exists, which feels strangely exciting and liberating (although the brain kicks in and I'm back in the Cumbrian skip in a few minutes).  I can only liken it to that old 80s cartoon 'Dungeons & Dragons' where every episode the kids are given a glimpse of their promised land, home, which is then slammed shut (normally due to that ruddy unicorn - was I the only one screaming 'leave him behind' at the TV?)  Anyway I digress (there'll be a lot of that too). 

Basically, the point of this challenge and this blog is simple - I have a world of possibility in front of me, but I simply don't trust myself to make the most of it - or indeed much at all of it.  I'll find reasons and excuses not to take the risk, I'll spend hours weighing up the pros and cons and finding ways to ensure the cons outweigh the pros and before I know it, the opportunities will have gone.  Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am that unicorn!

I should point out that I actually have a very lovely life with lots of very pleasant elements to it.  In particular, I am very fortunate  to be surrounded by the most wonderful and inspiring people who every day do things and achieve things which inspire, shock and delight me at every turn.  I often wonder how my life would be if I possessed some of their traits - particularly those who are super-ambitious, ridiculously confident or (and these are the ones I particulary admire) those who seem to wing their way merrily through life as though it's a Disney movie...

so, I'm going to try to find out.  For the next 365 days I’m going to hand control of much of my life to them - my friends, colleagues and confidantes.  I’ve asked them to set me some challenges, give me some goals and chuck me some objectives which will challenge, stretch and amuse me and enable me to maximise my potential and start living life to the full before that gate of opportunity closes for good.  This may sounds stupid, childish or incredilby self-indulgent - and it's all those things - but for me, the uber control freak who has spent 36 years seeking ever deepening lvels of security,  this is a genuinely big and scary move.  I'm trusting in the fact that they know me, my limitations, foibles and fears and am hoping they will set me things that will challenge me in the right way and not get me arrested!!!

Undoing 36.5 years of sensibility, habits and plain ‘stick in the mud-ness’ won’t be easy – if I fall at the first hurdle, this blog may begin and end here – but who knows, I may just surprise them and me and actually start delivering.

So, the journey starts here.  Bring on the challenges (gulp)…
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