...of the mess you left when you went away'
Two golden rules of blogging:
1. Never quote Alanis Morrissette
2. Never blog when drunk
...but hey, I'm feeling rebellious, so what the hell!
However, before I begin, I should state that I, Craig Jonathan Fordham, am of sound mind and body, so before you imagine me lying in a pool of my own vomit, weeping into a can of White Lightning, I should point out that the reality is very different. I have had a lovely evening, watching Twenty20 cricket in the evening sunshine at the Oval, accompanied by my wonderful team. We've laughed - a lot - and enjoyed some very exciting cricket and all in all it's been a great night...
...yet, like so many similarly lovely nights spent in recent times with so many wonderful people, it's all been played out against a backdrop of sheer, raw and base anger. My various challenges have come to a halt and I'm struggling to maintain the motivation and sense of momentum I previously had. Maybe this is just what happens at this stage of proceedings, however, I've realised that my mental and emotional state has changed significantly in recent days. Whilst in 'normal' times my equilibrium has been a kind of warm and fluffy contentment, currently my 'standard' state is one of maddening infuriation. I'm not proud of this; not in the slightest. I like to regard myself as a bright and rational person with a reasonably high degree of emotional intelligence. I approach problems in a scientific way, regarding unusual thoughts and feelings as a experiment that should be monitored closely and probed in order to gain an understanding and a mastery, so that an appropriate response can be discovered. But, at the moment, I feel as though this particular specimen is out of control, like some sort of ragwort, as my irritation grows to resentment...and that ain't healthy. So, having tried the internalisation response and found it wanting, I'm going for the writing it down option, as this often helps.
Before I go any further - and I should have got this out of the way at the very beginning - this post is purely for me; so feel free to look away, leave the virtual room or go elsewhere. This is kinda my Brad Pitt, Fight Club moment!
So, why so mad? Well, as dignified and amicable as my recent split seemed to be, as the weeks have gone on, I've become less gracious, less pleasant and, to put it bluntly, more bitter. Although I was dumped in the nicest way possible (and it really was considerately and carefully done), as a friend at work put it (and apologies for the coarse language): ' a turd is a turd. You can wrap it up in a nice ribbon and put it in a beautiful box...but it's still a turd'! Move over Keats, I say!!! As everybody knows - cos, let's face it, we've all been there at some stage - getting dumped is rubbish. You can dress it up in as many 'it's not you, it's me / I just need some space / we both deserve better etc' cliches as much as you like, but ultimately it's a rejection and whether you're Mrs Giggs or a simple fatty on the X-Factor who can't sing for toffee, rejection smarts. And if rejection on its own isn't hurtful enough, finding out that you've been replaced is that little bit worse. As much as the rational part of you knows that it's of absolutely no benefit comparing yourself to the 'new you' the human brain just doens't work like that and, try as you might, the temptation to play a kind of human Top Trumps between you and the newbie is just tooo great. Before you know it you're replaying seemingly inocuous conversations, throwaway comments and gestures over and over again, like Hercule Poirot, trying to find some hidden meaning that would have enabled you to see 'it' (or rather, them) coming. You lie awake at three in the morning analysing the tone in which 'x' was said; playing certain scenes over and over again in your mind or finding hidden (made up?) meanings in actions uncertain whether 2+2 = 4 or 57.
Of course, none of this matters and understanding what went wrong, where you fell short or why the other person decided to paddle a different canoe, gets you nowhere and I absolutely know that. The focus must be on the future and driving forward to new adventures and making new memories; although at the moment it seems I'm hell-bent on trying to replace the old ones, in a Stalinist-type purge that wipes any memory of 'them' from history - emails, texts, messages are being deleted, photos and mementos destroyed in sudden fits of pique, all of which I know I'll regret. But the need to keep focusing on what's to come rather than what's been is why I asked you to set me these new challenges and quests to begin with - and I've so enjoyed planning and tackling them. There's no sense of sadness, of loss or of the sort of desperate romantic longing that packs out the local Odeon every night - I can confidently state, with a sense of absolute clarity, that I wouldn't go back, even if the chance arose. But right now, it feels as though I've got a large ball and chain painted with the words 'rejection, betrayal and anger' tied to my leg, dragging me backwards and stopping me from making the most of the many wonderful opportunities which fate - and friends - have thrown my way...and I am super-keen not to build up a series of regrets by letting these opportunities pass me by. So, maybe, in a kind of Noel Edmonds-style cosmic ordering type of way, by committing these words to cyberspace the shackles will be broken and I'll be able to crack on with the rest of my tasks and the rest of my life unencumbered.
If you've got this far, you may well regard this as the most self-indulgent and pathetic post you'll find on the internet. It may well be the former, but I don't regard it as the latter. I'm generally in a good place surrounded by so much wonderful opportunity and a sense of freedom which is both exhilirating and energising. I want to throw myself into this with a sense of vigour I've never had before, but just need to exorcise a few demons first. If you will, please consider this post my exorcism...
...now, if you've genuinely got this far, please forget everything you've read; it'll just be embarrassing for the both of us.
Normal service - tomfoolery and nonsense etc - will return imminently.
Monday, 13 June 2011
Friday, 10 June 2011
Day 26 (10 June 2011) - 'I'm wicked and I'm lazy...'
..'ooh, don't you want to save me?
Cos I need saving. I may not be wicked ( in any sense of the word), but I am most certainly lazy, for in the four days since my last post no progress has been made at all on any challenges. Zip, zilch, nada, nothing; a big fat bagel.
In mitigation, the aftermath of Tuesday's exam has been one of a willingness to totally relax. Granted, this hasn't been helped by a monster workload in the office, but if I'm honest I just feel totally zonked at the moment. Not necessarily in a bad way, but I've spent so much time and energy keeping busy, doing and achieving things, working long hours, studying, exercising and socialising that twelve weeks of six hours sleep is finally catching up on me. Forgive me?
....well, you shouldn't, cos this is exactly the sort of rubbish excuses I've spent much of my life trotting out. There's always a reason not to have done things, always other things going on, always mitigating circumstances to fall back on. The new me is supposed to be a machine; one for whom achievement is a daily occurence, not a once in a blue moon phenomenon. So, chastise me, abuse me, heckle me and give me the verbal flogging I deserve (and no, this is not meant in a pervy way).
Standards are slipping, I'm falling back into my old ways. Don't let me do this! I have too much to do, so many things to achieve and a long way to go before I am truly that automaton. I will be a giant...I just need the odd prod; so prod away chums!
Cos I need saving. I may not be wicked ( in any sense of the word), but I am most certainly lazy, for in the four days since my last post no progress has been made at all on any challenges. Zip, zilch, nada, nothing; a big fat bagel.
In mitigation, the aftermath of Tuesday's exam has been one of a willingness to totally relax. Granted, this hasn't been helped by a monster workload in the office, but if I'm honest I just feel totally zonked at the moment. Not necessarily in a bad way, but I've spent so much time and energy keeping busy, doing and achieving things, working long hours, studying, exercising and socialising that twelve weeks of six hours sleep is finally catching up on me. Forgive me?
....well, you shouldn't, cos this is exactly the sort of rubbish excuses I've spent much of my life trotting out. There's always a reason not to have done things, always other things going on, always mitigating circumstances to fall back on. The new me is supposed to be a machine; one for whom achievement is a daily occurence, not a once in a blue moon phenomenon. So, chastise me, abuse me, heckle me and give me the verbal flogging I deserve (and no, this is not meant in a pervy way).
Standards are slipping, I'm falling back into my old ways. Don't let me do this! I have too much to do, so many things to achieve and a long way to go before I am truly that automaton. I will be a giant...I just need the odd prod; so prod away chums!
Monday, 6 June 2011
Day 22 (6 June) - 'Insane in the membrane, insane in the brain...
..,insane in the membrane, crazy insane, got no brain'
Today's post will be the shortest yet, on account of the fact that I am trying to attain a zen-like status of supreme calm and coolness. So (delivered in a very measured, zen-like fashion) things that have been occupying my brain today are:
1. The 7,892,381 facts I need to remember for my Chartered Institute of Marketing Diploma exam tomorrow morning. I have spent today on study leave and have had my nose in books for most of it (when I haven't been clearing up the flood caused by the leaking washing machine). I have attempted to absorb as much as possible through the medium of memory, but also gave sniffing, touching and licking the books a go to see if I could cram any in those ways. Right now, my brain feels like a house of cards - so full of models, strategies and positions (behave) that each new thing absorbed could bring the whole thing crashing down, leaving me with an empty noggin in the morning. Wish me luck!
2. The flat I saw. Do I like it, do I not? Should I put an offer in, should I not? Have I seen enough flats to make an informed choice? Am I doing the right thing? Am I rushing into things too quickly? What if I don't like it? Can I afford it? Will I end up in a skip in Cumbria? Think I need a good slap.
3. Anger. I shan't go into details, but today a straw broke this particular camel's back. As a result I am very, very, very angry...nay, seething. Maybe it's all the facts I've been wedging into my little brain, but that little box in the very corner of my cerebellum in which I've been storing stuff this past three months and which was carefully labelled 'archive, do not open until 2016' has been forced open today. If I were Russell Crowe I'd probably utter the words 'on my command, unleash hell'; however I am better than that (no offence, Russell), so instead rather than go for the all out assault which only leads to the unnecessary spilling of blood, I'll do what the Dalai Lama would do in this situation; namely have a large glass of wine, slam a couple of drawers and watch some Miranda.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I can feel 'the function of a distribution channel' running down my nose.
Toodle pip
Today's post will be the shortest yet, on account of the fact that I am trying to attain a zen-like status of supreme calm and coolness. So (delivered in a very measured, zen-like fashion) things that have been occupying my brain today are:
1. The 7,892,381 facts I need to remember for my Chartered Institute of Marketing Diploma exam tomorrow morning. I have spent today on study leave and have had my nose in books for most of it (when I haven't been clearing up the flood caused by the leaking washing machine). I have attempted to absorb as much as possible through the medium of memory, but also gave sniffing, touching and licking the books a go to see if I could cram any in those ways. Right now, my brain feels like a house of cards - so full of models, strategies and positions (behave) that each new thing absorbed could bring the whole thing crashing down, leaving me with an empty noggin in the morning. Wish me luck!
2. The flat I saw. Do I like it, do I not? Should I put an offer in, should I not? Have I seen enough flats to make an informed choice? Am I doing the right thing? Am I rushing into things too quickly? What if I don't like it? Can I afford it? Will I end up in a skip in Cumbria? Think I need a good slap.
3. Anger. I shan't go into details, but today a straw broke this particular camel's back. As a result I am very, very, very angry...nay, seething. Maybe it's all the facts I've been wedging into my little brain, but that little box in the very corner of my cerebellum in which I've been storing stuff this past three months and which was carefully labelled 'archive, do not open until 2016' has been forced open today. If I were Russell Crowe I'd probably utter the words 'on my command, unleash hell'; however I am better than that (no offence, Russell), so instead rather than go for the all out assault which only leads to the unnecessary spilling of blood, I'll do what the Dalai Lama would do in this situation; namely have a large glass of wine, slam a couple of drawers and watch some Miranda.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I can feel 'the function of a distribution channel' running down my nose.
Toodle pip
Sunday, 5 June 2011
Day 21 (5 June 2011) - Five days to work, one whole day to play...
...come on everybody, grab your rollerskates today. It's Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, it's Saturday etc'
...except it's not, it's Sunday. However, yesterday was Saturday and what a big day it was on the challenge front. One chalked off and another with a big leap forward. Although, apologies to De La Soul, cos I didn't actually wear rollerskates at any stage (I can barely stand up one two feet most of the time).
So, what did I get up to, I hear you cry! Well, further to Challenge 28 - Buy a flat in Putney (Suzie), yesterday I had weekend no. 2 of flat-hunting and jolly exciting it was too for I saw a flat which I think I like. Accompanied by The Bing (Nicola) we saw four quite funky one-beds in Wandsworth...alright now I know the challenge said Putney, but I can't afford anything remotely nice in Putney, and whilst I'm keen to complete as many of these challenges as possible, I'm not prepared to base one of the biggest decisions of my life on a challenge. I know, I know, I told you a couple of weeks ago not to let me get out of these challenges, but given the circumstances, I'm hoping you'll permit me a small modicum of lee-way, particularly as these flats are a mere 15 minuts walk from Putney High Street.
The big issue for me has been the old one-bed, two-bed question. Naturally, one-bed flats are cheaper than two-beds, but given my budget if I choose the latter I'm going to have to move slightly further out and buy somewhere a less swanky-looking. On the flip side, a two-bed gives the option of renting a room out and, of course, the added bonus of having a flat-mate. I've thought about this over and over again and have reached the conclusion that the two-bed option is actually the safer one (or am I double-bluffing myself). I've never lived on my own, and the thought is a bit weird. Those who know me well know that I jabber on and on and on for hours about anything, so not having someone to do this to will be a challenge. If I'm honest, since the break-up earlier this year, I've kind of been on the run. I've had some smashing times with friends which have lifted me to levels of happiness and excitement which a significant other couldn't beat, but the self-doubts, difficult questions and the scary bits have all occurred when on my own - so I've taken the option of simply limiting the time spent on my Bob as much as possible. However, I recognise that I can't do this forever and have got to get used to spending time with me, myself and I and get comfortable with my own company. Living by myself will enable tme to tackle this head on. I've also given myself a good talking to on the subject of financial risk. Yes, if Craig, if you get sacked or develop a terminal illness, paying the mortgage will be a struggle, however stastically the chances of either of these happening in the very near future are hopefully quite slim, so will you quit worrying about them (even if they do occur you can always rent the flat). So the conclusion is bring on single living and my own batchelor pad...
...bet the one I like sells on Monday!! Lol
Following the positive viewing, I hot-footed it to Clapham Junction to catch the train down to sunny Portsmouth to complete Challenge no. 13: Experience the maritime delights of Portsmouth (Jon). To borrow a word from Mr Way, what a 'splendid' day this was. Thanks to Jon's excellent guiding skills the maritime delights included Nelson's Flagship, 'Victory' from when he uttered those famous dying words 'Kiss Me Hardy'; although it's never been cleared up whether he was referring to comedian Oliver, author Thomas or one of the wrestling brothers Matt & Jeff?!?. We also saw the Spinnaker Tower, which is most famous for being featured in the recent series of 'The Biggest Loser' (well it is in my world) and the HMS Warrior, although sadly the Mary Rose is being restored so was under cover. Does anyone else remember being dragged into an assembly to watch the Mary Rose being raised from the sea in 1982? What's that - none of you were born? Oh, sod off! Anyway, BIG thanks to Jon for a top day in sunny Pompey...although I could have done without being hustled on Shave the Sheep!!
All in all a fine weekend and couple of ticks in the right column. On Facebook Caroline very kindly commented 'at this rate we'll have to set you more challenges'. I'm not exactly whistling through them, but thanks to you this whole process is having the desired effect. By most people's standards I still haven't achieved a huge amount, but by my own very sedentary ones, I've probably accomplished more in the past three weeks than I've done in the past three years. The great news is that I'm really enjoying the whole process and feeling more confident and positive - and it must be three days since I've made any remarks about being too old. However, there is much still to do, so best be cracking on.
Adios
...except it's not, it's Sunday. However, yesterday was Saturday and what a big day it was on the challenge front. One chalked off and another with a big leap forward. Although, apologies to De La Soul, cos I didn't actually wear rollerskates at any stage (I can barely stand up one two feet most of the time).
So, what did I get up to, I hear you cry! Well, further to Challenge 28 - Buy a flat in Putney (Suzie), yesterday I had weekend no. 2 of flat-hunting and jolly exciting it was too for I saw a flat which I think I like. Accompanied by The Bing (Nicola) we saw four quite funky one-beds in Wandsworth...alright now I know the challenge said Putney, but I can't afford anything remotely nice in Putney, and whilst I'm keen to complete as many of these challenges as possible, I'm not prepared to base one of the biggest decisions of my life on a challenge. I know, I know, I told you a couple of weeks ago not to let me get out of these challenges, but given the circumstances, I'm hoping you'll permit me a small modicum of lee-way, particularly as these flats are a mere 15 minuts walk from Putney High Street.
The big issue for me has been the old one-bed, two-bed question. Naturally, one-bed flats are cheaper than two-beds, but given my budget if I choose the latter I'm going to have to move slightly further out and buy somewhere a less swanky-looking. On the flip side, a two-bed gives the option of renting a room out and, of course, the added bonus of having a flat-mate. I've thought about this over and over again and have reached the conclusion that the two-bed option is actually the safer one (or am I double-bluffing myself). I've never lived on my own, and the thought is a bit weird. Those who know me well know that I jabber on and on and on for hours about anything, so not having someone to do this to will be a challenge. If I'm honest, since the break-up earlier this year, I've kind of been on the run. I've had some smashing times with friends which have lifted me to levels of happiness and excitement which a significant other couldn't beat, but the self-doubts, difficult questions and the scary bits have all occurred when on my own - so I've taken the option of simply limiting the time spent on my Bob as much as possible. However, I recognise that I can't do this forever and have got to get used to spending time with me, myself and I and get comfortable with my own company. Living by myself will enable tme to tackle this head on. I've also given myself a good talking to on the subject of financial risk. Yes, if Craig, if you get sacked or develop a terminal illness, paying the mortgage will be a struggle, however stastically the chances of either of these happening in the very near future are hopefully quite slim, so will you quit worrying about them (even if they do occur you can always rent the flat). So the conclusion is bring on single living and my own batchelor pad...
...bet the one I like sells on Monday!! Lol
Following the positive viewing, I hot-footed it to Clapham Junction to catch the train down to sunny Portsmouth to complete Challenge no. 13: Experience the maritime delights of Portsmouth (Jon). To borrow a word from Mr Way, what a 'splendid' day this was. Thanks to Jon's excellent guiding skills the maritime delights included Nelson's Flagship, 'Victory' from when he uttered those famous dying words 'Kiss Me Hardy'; although it's never been cleared up whether he was referring to comedian Oliver, author Thomas or one of the wrestling brothers Matt & Jeff?!?. We also saw the Spinnaker Tower, which is most famous for being featured in the recent series of 'The Biggest Loser' (well it is in my world) and the HMS Warrior, although sadly the Mary Rose is being restored so was under cover. Does anyone else remember being dragged into an assembly to watch the Mary Rose being raised from the sea in 1982? What's that - none of you were born? Oh, sod off! Anyway, BIG thanks to Jon for a top day in sunny Pompey...although I could have done without being hustled on Shave the Sheep!!
All in all a fine weekend and couple of ticks in the right column. On Facebook Caroline very kindly commented 'at this rate we'll have to set you more challenges'. I'm not exactly whistling through them, but thanks to you this whole process is having the desired effect. By most people's standards I still haven't achieved a huge amount, but by my own very sedentary ones, I've probably accomplished more in the past three weeks than I've done in the past three years. The great news is that I'm really enjoying the whole process and feeling more confident and positive - and it must be three days since I've made any remarks about being too old. However, there is much still to do, so best be cracking on.
Adios
Thursday, 2 June 2011
Day 18 (2 June 2011) - Return of the blog...
...it is, return of the blog.
Aaahh, there's a song which takes me back to the heady days of university, drinking my own body weight in Diamond White (Katie's fault) and generally vomiting for England. Poor old Mark Morrison. Touted as Britain's answer to...well I can't remember who he was Britain's answer to, but it was some US R&B mega-star, it all went wrong for Mark when he attempted to demonstrate his 'from the hood' potential, by trying to hold up a petrol station in Leiceater with a cattle prod.
Yes, after a stand-off between those giants of customer service (!!), Talk Talk and BT, the 'tinterweb connection is restored and the blog is back. And by way of return, I'd like to celebrate with the announcement of yet more exciting challenges:
27. Learn circus skills (Kat W) - this challenge involves doing a good handstand, hanging from a trapeze and something about climbing a tissu. Now I've no idea what this last point is, but I'm assuming it's not a paper-based product you use to wipe you hooter on, for that would be madness. I know tissues are increasingly strong and man-size, but dangling 145lbs from one is frankly not on.
28. Buy a flat in Putney (Suzie) - and there was me thinking sailing round the world for £25k was a bit on the expensive side. All I can say on this one is that I'd love to achieve it but it might be a struggle due to finances. However, I am viewing some Putney shoeboxes tomorrow so will keep you posted.
29. Come and visit me in Bath you bastard (John) - John (the Cedilla) is one of my oldest and best-est friends. He and his gorgeous wife, Ellen, are also one of the most intelligent couples on the planet. This title is shared by Alex & Chris, who live in nearby Bristol, so I'm constantly aware that the chance of being caught in the midst of a game of Trivial Pursuit with the four of them is there, albeit tenuously. I've been promising to go to see them for months - a typical example of why I need you all to run my life.
...please keep them coming.
This weekend I shall be chalking off at least one challenge. More to follow next week.
Aaahh, there's a song which takes me back to the heady days of university, drinking my own body weight in Diamond White (Katie's fault) and generally vomiting for England. Poor old Mark Morrison. Touted as Britain's answer to...well I can't remember who he was Britain's answer to, but it was some US R&B mega-star, it all went wrong for Mark when he attempted to demonstrate his 'from the hood' potential, by trying to hold up a petrol station in Leiceater with a cattle prod.
Yes, after a stand-off between those giants of customer service (!!), Talk Talk and BT, the 'tinterweb connection is restored and the blog is back. And by way of return, I'd like to celebrate with the announcement of yet more exciting challenges:
27. Learn circus skills (Kat W) - this challenge involves doing a good handstand, hanging from a trapeze and something about climbing a tissu. Now I've no idea what this last point is, but I'm assuming it's not a paper-based product you use to wipe you hooter on, for that would be madness. I know tissues are increasingly strong and man-size, but dangling 145lbs from one is frankly not on.
28. Buy a flat in Putney (Suzie) - and there was me thinking sailing round the world for £25k was a bit on the expensive side. All I can say on this one is that I'd love to achieve it but it might be a struggle due to finances. However, I am viewing some Putney shoeboxes tomorrow so will keep you posted.
29. Come and visit me in Bath you bastard (John) - John (the Cedilla) is one of my oldest and best-est friends. He and his gorgeous wife, Ellen, are also one of the most intelligent couples on the planet. This title is shared by Alex & Chris, who live in nearby Bristol, so I'm constantly aware that the chance of being caught in the midst of a game of Trivial Pursuit with the four of them is there, albeit tenuously. I've been promising to go to see them for months - a typical example of why I need you all to run my life.
...please keep them coming.
This weekend I shall be chalking off at least one challenge. More to follow next week.
Day 15 (30 May 2011) - Sun is in the sky, oh why, oh why would I wanna be anywhere else...
...why indeed, young Lily; for on a day like today where the sun unexpectedly shone on a glorious Bank Holiday Monday, London looks and feels majestic. How do I know? Why, because today my blogettes, I had a wee crack at task number 15, namely to be a tourist in my home town – and what a joy it turned out to be. Armed with my newly acquired copy of ‘Walks of London’ I chalked off the first two chapters, which randomly covered ‘Soho’s colourful past’ and ‘Movie Murder Scenes of London’. Granted, these aren’t the two topics which would spring to mind for most, but then again the book was £4.99 in the bargain book sale at work.
So, what did I learn? Well, lots and lots of stuff; far too much to describe here, but particular highlights included:
· The backdrop to that Oscar-winning classic, ‘Emmanuelle in Soho’ (I may have made the Oscar-winning bit up)
· Drinking coffee at Tommy Steele’s favourite cafe (I’m really not making this up – think the book may have been over-priced)
· Having a swift half in the ‘Golden Lion’ where 60s mass murdered Dennis Nielsen picked up his prey (niiice!)
However, all of these exciting finds paled into insignificance compared to two wonderful revelations. Before I reveal these, I should explain to those not in the know, that I am a bit of a Carry On afficianado – no surprise to those who have experienced my somewhat juvenile and smutty sense of humour. Indeed, I am such a fan that I, somehow; managed to get away with producing a Marxist critique of ‘Carry on up the Khyber’ as part of my degree (a startling admission right up there with using ‘I Tina: the autobiography of Tina Turner’ as the basis of my essay on Black-American Writing...well it was a much-easier read than Alice Walker or Toni Morrison). As well as seemingly genuinely nice people, the likes of Hattie Jacques, Charles Hawtrey and Terry Scott led such colourful and interesting lives compared to those of the talentless and charmless celebs we have to read about today - I’d take Joan Sims over Cheryl Cole any day, wouldn’t you? In short (if only, I hear you cry), my excitement runneth over at my two BIG findings; namely:
1. Discovering that private members club, The Groucho, was smashed up on more than one occasion by Sid James and Bernard Bresslaw during their apparently legendary all night sessions. I’ll repeat that last bit again – Sid James and Bernard Bresslaw on all-night sessions. OMG, how amazing would it have been to have been part of their group? I’m not sure words have yet been invented to describe how cool it would have been to go drinking with Sid James. Incidentally, did you know he was South African and trained as a hairdresser? You didn’t? Good, something to amuse your friends with.
2. Finding, purely by chance (ie not mentioned in the book), the house where Kenneth Williams lived (photo attached). If you’re ever looking for a cracking read, I can thoroughly recommend Kenneth Williams’ diaries. It must be nearly twenty years since I read these, but I can still remember the last four words of the book which today remain five of the most powerful and emotional words I have ever read.
There were soooo many other interesting facts and pieces of information and folklore which made this afternoon so enriching. I am now hooked and cannot wait to explore more of London – but you can help! If you have any tips, places of interest or sights you think I should see, please send them my way. In the meantime, BIG thanks to The G for sending this task my way.
All in all, today was a very good day indeed. And along the way, I decided that further to yesterday’s little quandary, I should marry Liza Tarbuck – it was the chance of spending my weekends playing golf with Jimmy and Kenny Lynch which swung it.
Day 14 (29 May 2011) Don’t you know things will change, things will come your way...
...if you hold on for one more day.
So sang those daughters of nepotism, Wilson Phillips in 1990. Can it really be 21 years since they sat on top of that mountain trying not to look cold? Today, during one of the many lovely random conversations I had, the subject of current London super-club, ‘Guilty Pleasures’ arose (do the kids still call them clubs?). In the ongoing spirit of honesty within this blog: my name is Craig and Wilson Phillips were (are?) my guilty pleasure. Those following this blog may leave now!
The reason for the choice of this particular lyric – other than a shameless excuse to shoehorn Wilson Phillips into the blog – is that everyone I speak to at the moment seems to be having a rough time. I’m not sure whether there’s something about 2011 but every phone call or email seems to bring more bad news for a loved one. So, if you’re having a rough trot, may I suggest a quick burst of ‘Hold On’ - for things will come your way (although if you’re having relationship issues may I also suggest you skip over ‘The Phillips’ other hit ‘Release Me’! I like to think in the whole ‘ balance of life’ this means that whilst some people are having a rubbish time, some of you are having a bumper spree and filling your boots. Good news is always welcomed, so whether you’ve got a new job, are getting married, having a baby or simply found an unexpected bottle of wine at the back of your fridge, please share the positive love!
Although this weekend may not have seen the accomplishment of any of my tasks, it has certainly kept with the programme of driving change and pushing onwards. For yes, I have been flat-hunting. On the positive side I have found flats that I can afford (just); they did not require the donning of an industrial suit to avoid catching various diseases and they were demonstrated by Andrew, who wasn’t a total w*nker. ..and there was me thinking Mr Plambeck was in a minority of one. On the negative side, although close to Putney, which I regard as home, Earlsfield (where said flats are) is still a couple of miles away, which means an effort would have to be made to see friends i.e. there would be no ‘popping’ anywhere. All thoughts and advice welcome.
Elsewhere, for some random reason, I’ve been thinking about marriage. Bit odd that, as I’m not sure I actually believe in marriage, and am a ‘confirmed bachelor’ although as those who know me well would testify, I’ve always been on a mission to find the perfect partner and settle down for life - a bit like a mute swan. Managed to get that one horribly wrong. Ho hum. Anyway, I’ve been thinking about who I would like to marry, if I did believe in it, and have drawn up the following criteria: must be funny (very); must enjoy parties but also be happy in the pub; must be able to get on easily with my friends; must enjoy watching sport or be happy to let me watch sport; must be able to discuss stuff like the Palestinian – Israeli question and who’s judging the X-Factor; must not be physically unattractive; must not be overly materialistic; must not be prone to ‘moods’. Based on this criteria I have drawn up the following list of potential candidates:
· Adele
· Liza Tarbuck
· Scott Mills
· Jennifer Aniston
· Clare Balding
· Ant & Dec
I think I’d be happy with any of these, however am slightly worried that chance of marrying any of the above are fairly slim - but as this is a year of saying ‘yes’ I’m not giving up hope just yet. To increase my options, if there’s anyone you know who fits the criteria, or just anyone with a pulse you’d like to see me marry, feel free to chuck some suggestions my way.
Right, best go get measured for my morning suit.
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