...why I'm King of my Castle'. What a tune eh? Another of those songs that nobody has the foggiest what the next line is, but they certainly don't make 'em like that any more.
Yes, I'm still alive and still posting, although if there was anyone who still remotely gave a damn, you could be forgiven for popping elsewhere for your regular blog-fix. However, I have very good reasons for having been away so long.
'Why's that?', you say
'Because I haven't had access to the internet for three weeks' , I reply
'Why's that?, you repeat
'Because my new home doesn't have a phone line'
'Aah' you go (humour me and do this, will you?)
...'but wait a minute' you exclaim, as you slam your midori and coke on the working top. 'A new home?'
'Well, yes' I say, slightly smugly whilst stroking the lapels of my smoking jacket and curling the end of my magnificent moustache, for I am very, nay, exceedingly proud to present Challenge 29 'Buy a flat in Putney' (Susie).
...this is the bit where the dancing girls and elephants come on...
Before I go on (and as you know, I do go on), I would like you all to take a second to appreciate the size of this particular task. This wasn't a mere night out or a the development of some new skill. No, this was the Mount Everest of my challenging year, my own little discovery of penicillin, my composition of a symphony, my reproduction of the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies. OK, I'm prone to exaggeration, but c'mon this was a biggie and I've gone and bleedin' well done it
...kinda. Cos if you're splitting hairs or generally prone to pedantry, my new abode is technically Wandsworth. I tried altering the 'SW18' on the road sign to a 'SW15' but who knew that doing so was an arrestable offence? In my defence, cross the road and you are in Putney. In addition to which my road does a fair impression, being filled with a suitable number of 4x4s, children called 'Cassandra' and 'Jacques' and at least one fine example of topiary. My nearest train station is Putney, my voting constituency is Putney and my new favourite local restaurant is called 'Putney Pies' (and yes, I did eat them all), so between us can we just call it Putney?
With that out of the way, I guess you want to know what it's like? Well, you're more than welcome to pay a visit and see for yourself. In essence it's a three storey Victorian semi (wa-hey) that's been converted into three flats. I'm on the first floor. It's a small one-bedroom flat with a fairly large kitchen-diner, beautiful dark mock-wooden floors and a pimped-up white kitchen - how do my fingers get so dirty? I've got a cute east-facing bedroom with a little roof terrace which has got sunbathing and gin written all over it, and an additional small room which the estate agent described as 'a study' but which I've Christened 'a shit room' - for tis where I'm going to store all my shit. It's already bursting at the seams and I've barely moved in.
Two weeks in and I'm loving it. Living on my own for the first time is taking some getting used to - I have taken to talking to myself in scenes reminiscent of Shirley Valentine, but it feels amazing to have my own place with my own things. Sainsbury's homeware department has become my idea of a great night out and I'm finding myself getting super-excited over the smallest things 'Yes, it is a brand new cling film holder, thank you for asking'. Granted some furniture would be nice at some stage, but these things take time (eight weeks if it's a sofa and you happen to order from John Lewis). In the meantime I've discovered the joys and sheer versatility of a giant beanbag.
I've found myself performing hitherto unperformed tasks, like putting my shoes away when I come in, considering the merits of potplants and actually looking at cushions. In short I've become a slightly hairier and infinitely less polished version of Anthea Turner.
Of course, this is me, so give it five years and you'll probably see me on a Channel 5 documentary about hoarding 'Craig has taken to living in one room due to the volume of rubbish he's collected', but for the meantime in my eyes I'm the lovechild of Phil Spencer, Kirsty Allsop and Hyacinth Bouquet - and I'm loving it.
Come visit!
Thursday, 1 March 2012
Wednesday, 18 January 2012
Day 241 (18 January 2012) - Our time is running out
...or at least mine is. Can it really be 241 days since I embarked upon this 'Challenging Year'?
For those of you who are...well...a bit slow on the uptake, shall we say (thick), this whole 'Challenging Year' thing works on two levels. There are 30 challenges which various friends set me and there is the deeper ongoing challenge of getting my life back on the straight and narrow. It's all jolly clever if I do say so myself! I believe the technical term for this might be 'a frame story' - rumours that Madonna adopted this technique for her W.E. film having read this blog are, as yet, unsubstantiated (however, if anyone actually goes to see this film and spots an semblance of a conga, do let me know and I'll sue the witch).
The challenges which friends kindly set me have acted as a welcome distraction and focus to enable me to tackle the wider challenge - and very helpful they've been too. I am, however, a man of my word so the aim is to complete as many of the thirty as possible before the year is out. This gives me precisely 124 days to fit in the remaining x challenges. A quick reminder of those which remain...
2. Run 'Racing the Planet' in Jordan (Iain) - now this isn't going to happen, as I didn't get a place. Well it was £2,000 to enter and I never seem to have that amount on me when I need it. Mr Clark and I have, however discussed taking part in 2013 and there are rumours of a replacement 100km challenge in the UK in May. Whilst neither will meet the deadline for this challenge, the aim is to secure a place on one or both before the time is up. Will that do? ACTION REQUIRED
3 & 4 - Attend the Biathlon world Cup in Oslo / Antholz (Ingrid / Ellen) - neither have happened, due to financial constraints. Instead, I attended the Biathlon in Ostersund, Sweden with my big bro (taking advantage of his hospitality along the way. Thanks The Boy!). I'm considering this one as good as done DONE (ISH)
5. Take part in the Clipper Round the World Yacht Race (Rachel) - now this one isn't going to get done. For reasons similar to Challenge 2, I haven't managed to locate the spare £12,500 entry fee. I know I had it somewhere in the house, but can I find it? Of course, it'll probably turn up down the back of the sofa in April. I have, however, been on a small ferry across the River Avon - will this do? Probably not really. Ideas are, therefore, required for a replacement challenge please. ACTION REQUIRED?
7. Find Sister Wendy's caravan (Katie) - I am very much hoping that Katie will join me for this one, partly cos I don't want to get arrested alone and secondly because it will just be so much more amusing. Guaranteed, however, that we will giggle like six year olds the entire day. I should add, that I don't usually condone stalking members of the church for amusement value, so please don't try this at home - or, indeed, in the Vatican. ACTION REQUIRED
8. Visit Louis Tussaud's House of Wax in Great Yarmouth (Katie) - I'm planning to combine this with task 7. It's been a year since I last went, so I'm only hoping and praying that they've added some new exhibits since. I know I bang on about this the whole time, but if they were ever to reclassify the Seven Wonders of the Modern World, this would be right up there with the Taj Mahal and Machu Picchu for me. If you haven't ever been - GO; if you have been - GO AGAIN! ACTION REQUIRED
9. Speak Portuguese, badly, to strangers at a Festa (Helen) - nothing on this list fills me with a greater sense of guilt and self-loathing than the fact that this is still here. Like so many of my smashing friends, The G has been an absolute rock over these last twelve months. She has a beautiful home in Portugal, a wonderful other half and the guarantee of lots of laughter, so it simply isn't on that I haven't been to see her. This must be rectified!!! ACTION REQUIRED
12. Survive a night out on the town with the Birmingham cougars (Juanita) - I'm due a trip to Brum for a couple of work-based shenanigans, so must build this in. Juanita - I'm on my way (bet you wished you hadn't mentioned this now) ACTION REQUIRED
16. Get up on stage and sing (Helen) - I can't believe I haven't achieved this? Much of my life is a giant karaoke session, as my long-suffering team will tell you. Barely an hour goes by without me butchering some modern classic aloud. Karaoke has, of course, taken place with a fair degree of regularity, but no stage has been involved. ACTION REQUIRED
17. Break a world record (Kate) - chances are I've broken some unwittingly. Yesterday, for example, during a conversation with the 'staff' at Putney Station (I sue the term 'staff' loosely, as this suggests that some work takes place) I think I probably had a fair crack at the most swear words one person could get into a single sentence. I recognise, however, that any record needs some verification, so will set about finding something I can smash ACTION REQUIRED
18. Invent something (Kate) - if words count, I think I invented a whole new lexicon of swear words during above-mentioned rant at South West Trains. I'm not known for being a creative person, so any guidance very welcome on this ACTION REQUIRED
19. Flirt with a stranger every day for a month (Kate) - technically this hasn't been achieved, but I reckon I can claim a 'partly' on this one as there has been significant progress. That doesn't mean that there has been flirting-a-plenty, but as someone who immediately thinks I must have snot on my face if someone looks at me, there has been a lot more flirting over the 241 days than I would have imagined. Now before anyone goes out shopping for hats, calm yourselves. I am very much enjoying the single life and can't, frankly, be bothered with the hassle of a relationship for the foreseeable future (the fact that I, the last of the great romantics, instinctively describe relationships as a hassle, tells you something about my current frame of mind on the subject). I intend, instead, to invest in a smoking jacket, some carpet slippers, a monocle and a selection of 5,000 piece jigsaws - and shall be very content with it. DONE(ISH)
20. Learn to play Happy Birthday on the banjo (Kate) - does anyone have a banjo I can borrow...and anyone providing a filthy response will be sent out of class ACTION REQUIRED
21. Visit Ellie & Jay in Spain - eek, Ellie & Jay are no longer in Spain. I was, in Spain, however - will that do? Sorry Whitters! DONE(ISH)
23. Complete a Charity Challenge in Guatemala (Rachel) - OK, so I haven't been anywhere near Central America, let alone Guatemala. I am, however, running the London Marathon for Macmillan so am embarking on a charity challenge. Close enough? SCHEDULED (ISH)
27. Learn to love dogs (Jo) - not quite sure how I measure this. I have got much better with our canine friends to the extent I no longer instinctively cross the road if one is coming my way. I'm still terrified of the two Rottweilers which exercise off the leash outside the flat, but have managed to walk purposely by on a number of occasions without flailing my arms in the air like Tippi Hedron in 'The Birds'. I also watched the Youtube clip of Fenton on several occasions - surely that counts for something? DONE(ISH)
28. Learn Circus Skills (Kat) - I've half learnt to juggle soft fruit - I'm not trusting myself with Piggy's fine china. I've also had several alcohol-induced amusing clown-type falls over the year. Not good enough? ACTION REQUIRED / DONE(ISH)
29. Buy a flat in Putney (Susie) - more news on this in future blogs. I don't want to jinx it (superstitious twat that I am), but I might have an update shortly. SCHEDULED (ISH)
So, by my reckoning I've still got 13/30 to complete of which 11 are still to be scheduled. It's going to be a busy 124 days. Will I ever learn not to leave everything to the last minute?!
Until next time
For those of you who are...well...a bit slow on the uptake, shall we say (thick), this whole 'Challenging Year' thing works on two levels. There are 30 challenges which various friends set me and there is the deeper ongoing challenge of getting my life back on the straight and narrow. It's all jolly clever if I do say so myself! I believe the technical term for this might be 'a frame story' - rumours that Madonna adopted this technique for her W.E. film having read this blog are, as yet, unsubstantiated (however, if anyone actually goes to see this film and spots an semblance of a conga, do let me know and I'll sue the witch).
The challenges which friends kindly set me have acted as a welcome distraction and focus to enable me to tackle the wider challenge - and very helpful they've been too. I am, however, a man of my word so the aim is to complete as many of the thirty as possible before the year is out. This gives me precisely 124 days to fit in the remaining x challenges. A quick reminder of those which remain...
2. Run 'Racing the Planet' in Jordan (Iain) - now this isn't going to happen, as I didn't get a place. Well it was £2,000 to enter and I never seem to have that amount on me when I need it. Mr Clark and I have, however discussed taking part in 2013 and there are rumours of a replacement 100km challenge in the UK in May. Whilst neither will meet the deadline for this challenge, the aim is to secure a place on one or both before the time is up. Will that do? ACTION REQUIRED
3 & 4 - Attend the Biathlon world Cup in Oslo / Antholz (Ingrid / Ellen) - neither have happened, due to financial constraints. Instead, I attended the Biathlon in Ostersund, Sweden with my big bro (taking advantage of his hospitality along the way. Thanks The Boy!). I'm considering this one as good as done DONE (ISH)
5. Take part in the Clipper Round the World Yacht Race (Rachel) - now this one isn't going to get done. For reasons similar to Challenge 2, I haven't managed to locate the spare £12,500 entry fee. I know I had it somewhere in the house, but can I find it? Of course, it'll probably turn up down the back of the sofa in April. I have, however, been on a small ferry across the River Avon - will this do? Probably not really. Ideas are, therefore, required for a replacement challenge please. ACTION REQUIRED?
7. Find Sister Wendy's caravan (Katie) - I am very much hoping that Katie will join me for this one, partly cos I don't want to get arrested alone and secondly because it will just be so much more amusing. Guaranteed, however, that we will giggle like six year olds the entire day. I should add, that I don't usually condone stalking members of the church for amusement value, so please don't try this at home - or, indeed, in the Vatican. ACTION REQUIRED
8. Visit Louis Tussaud's House of Wax in Great Yarmouth (Katie) - I'm planning to combine this with task 7. It's been a year since I last went, so I'm only hoping and praying that they've added some new exhibits since. I know I bang on about this the whole time, but if they were ever to reclassify the Seven Wonders of the Modern World, this would be right up there with the Taj Mahal and Machu Picchu for me. If you haven't ever been - GO; if you have been - GO AGAIN! ACTION REQUIRED
9. Speak Portuguese, badly, to strangers at a Festa (Helen) - nothing on this list fills me with a greater sense of guilt and self-loathing than the fact that this is still here. Like so many of my smashing friends, The G has been an absolute rock over these last twelve months. She has a beautiful home in Portugal, a wonderful other half and the guarantee of lots of laughter, so it simply isn't on that I haven't been to see her. This must be rectified!!! ACTION REQUIRED
12. Survive a night out on the town with the Birmingham cougars (Juanita) - I'm due a trip to Brum for a couple of work-based shenanigans, so must build this in. Juanita - I'm on my way (bet you wished you hadn't mentioned this now) ACTION REQUIRED
16. Get up on stage and sing (Helen) - I can't believe I haven't achieved this? Much of my life is a giant karaoke session, as my long-suffering team will tell you. Barely an hour goes by without me butchering some modern classic aloud. Karaoke has, of course, taken place with a fair degree of regularity, but no stage has been involved. ACTION REQUIRED
17. Break a world record (Kate) - chances are I've broken some unwittingly. Yesterday, for example, during a conversation with the 'staff' at Putney Station (I sue the term 'staff' loosely, as this suggests that some work takes place) I think I probably had a fair crack at the most swear words one person could get into a single sentence. I recognise, however, that any record needs some verification, so will set about finding something I can smash ACTION REQUIRED
18. Invent something (Kate) - if words count, I think I invented a whole new lexicon of swear words during above-mentioned rant at South West Trains. I'm not known for being a creative person, so any guidance very welcome on this ACTION REQUIRED
19. Flirt with a stranger every day for a month (Kate) - technically this hasn't been achieved, but I reckon I can claim a 'partly' on this one as there has been significant progress. That doesn't mean that there has been flirting-a-plenty, but as someone who immediately thinks I must have snot on my face if someone looks at me, there has been a lot more flirting over the 241 days than I would have imagined. Now before anyone goes out shopping for hats, calm yourselves. I am very much enjoying the single life and can't, frankly, be bothered with the hassle of a relationship for the foreseeable future (the fact that I, the last of the great romantics, instinctively describe relationships as a hassle, tells you something about my current frame of mind on the subject). I intend, instead, to invest in a smoking jacket, some carpet slippers, a monocle and a selection of 5,000 piece jigsaws - and shall be very content with it. DONE(ISH)
20. Learn to play Happy Birthday on the banjo (Kate) - does anyone have a banjo I can borrow...and anyone providing a filthy response will be sent out of class ACTION REQUIRED
21. Visit Ellie & Jay in Spain - eek, Ellie & Jay are no longer in Spain. I was, in Spain, however - will that do? Sorry Whitters! DONE(ISH)
23. Complete a Charity Challenge in Guatemala (Rachel) - OK, so I haven't been anywhere near Central America, let alone Guatemala. I am, however, running the London Marathon for Macmillan so am embarking on a charity challenge. Close enough? SCHEDULED (ISH)
27. Learn to love dogs (Jo) - not quite sure how I measure this. I have got much better with our canine friends to the extent I no longer instinctively cross the road if one is coming my way. I'm still terrified of the two Rottweilers which exercise off the leash outside the flat, but have managed to walk purposely by on a number of occasions without flailing my arms in the air like Tippi Hedron in 'The Birds'. I also watched the Youtube clip of Fenton on several occasions - surely that counts for something? DONE(ISH)
28. Learn Circus Skills (Kat) - I've half learnt to juggle soft fruit - I'm not trusting myself with Piggy's fine china. I've also had several alcohol-induced amusing clown-type falls over the year. Not good enough? ACTION REQUIRED / DONE(ISH)
29. Buy a flat in Putney (Susie) - more news on this in future blogs. I don't want to jinx it (superstitious twat that I am), but I might have an update shortly. SCHEDULED (ISH)
So, by my reckoning I've still got 13/30 to complete of which 11 are still to be scheduled. It's going to be a busy 124 days. Will I ever learn not to leave everything to the last minute?!
Until next time
Saturday, 31 December 2011
Day 223 (31 December 2011) - If you're with me...
...next year will be the perfect year'
Whatever happened to Dina Carroll? A fellow Cantrabrigian, I can still remember seeing her having driving lessons around Cambridge. There was always an added air of excitement in Sainsbury's, where I worked, when she popped in for a Glade Plug-In and a Wagon Wheel! I think she was last heard of suffering from terrible stage fright?
Anyway, here we are then, 31st December. Traditionally, the end of the year is a time for reflection. Well, that's what we're brought up to believe, but in reality, for most people I've encountered, it tends to be all about fretting over what you're going to do on New Year's Eve! I think I'm yet to meet anyone who actively states that they love the 'big night'. Pubs that are crying out for your custom all year suddenly start charging you a fiver for the right to spend more money in over-crowded bars where it takes twenty minutes to get a drink and there are at least three 'Happy New Year' false alarms. Elsewhere taxi drivers swap their day jobs in favour of running extortion rackets. As a result, up and down the country friends play 'New Year Russian Roulette' refusing to commit to any plans until at the last minute (usually around the 28th December), someone finally cracks and declares that everyone can come to theirs.
Personally, I've never been a fan of New Year's Eve, although I have had some belters (a weekend in Rock conjours up particularly fond memories). No, to me, the passing of another year has really only meant that the festive celebrations are at an end and that I'm another year older! Yet, for once, I'm excited and optimistic about this New Year. Granted, a lot of this is wrapped up in my building giddiness over the Olympics - at this rate, by July they'll have to put me on valium - but most of the excitement is based on the simple fact that 2012 isn't 2011.
In short I can't wait to see the back of this ruddy year. OK, so there have been some high points - the weddings of Kate & Wills and Sophie & Chris most notably - but let's be honest, it's not been a vintage. Compared with the various trials and tribulations I've watched a number of friends and relations go through, mine's probably been fair to middling, but I wouldn't describe it as an easy, plain-sailing sort of year. However, as I gaze back and survey the wreckage like the opening scene from Lost, somehow everyone is still present and correct, still just about smiling, albeit with an array of battle scars and a greater tolerance for alcohol!
When I look back on where I was this time last year, I don't think I'd ever have imagined that this year would have turned out the way it has, but with the new year on the horizon there is lots to look forward to. At the very least 2011 has made me appreciate things I previously took for granted. For starters I have a greater affection for the Royal Family than I ever knew and I've learnt that I genuinely can't be without a Smartphone! Perhaps more importantly, in the maelstrom of the long-term break-up, I managed to qualify for my Chartered Institute of Marketing Diploma and get promoted at work, so I'm clearly tougher, more resilient and more practical than I thought. I've also managed to say a sad but fond farewell to the past eleven years devoid (I think) of any anger or bitterness and find myself generally wishing the ex and the 'replacement me' the very best of happiness - so maybe I'm not as far away from the fair, rational and decent person I always try to be as I sometimes think - that said, I do comfort myself with the fact that I regard myself as infinitely superior to the new me on virtually every level (sorry, couldn't resist it). Most of all, however, 2011 has made me appreciate how very fortunate I am to be surrounded by such amazing, warm, considerate, funny and inspiring friends and family who have laughed with me, cried with me and mostly got very, very drunk with me. My biggest fear was being alone, but thanks to you I haven't had to be. You will never know the positive difference you've made and continue to make to my little ol' life.
It only remains for me to say, that if you've had a good year then I am genuinely pleased for you - little bits of your happiness and enthusiasm have rubbed of on the rest of us and made the tough bits that little bit easier. If you've had a stinker of a year, then congratulate yourself for making it through in one piece and comfort yourself with the knowledge that 2012 is going to be amazing. And whatever role you've played in my life this year, know that you're incredibly special, and I wish you and your loved ones the most amazing, enjoyable and stress-free new year.
2012 - BRING IT ON!
Whatever happened to Dina Carroll? A fellow Cantrabrigian, I can still remember seeing her having driving lessons around Cambridge. There was always an added air of excitement in Sainsbury's, where I worked, when she popped in for a Glade Plug-In and a Wagon Wheel! I think she was last heard of suffering from terrible stage fright?
Anyway, here we are then, 31st December. Traditionally, the end of the year is a time for reflection. Well, that's what we're brought up to believe, but in reality, for most people I've encountered, it tends to be all about fretting over what you're going to do on New Year's Eve! I think I'm yet to meet anyone who actively states that they love the 'big night'. Pubs that are crying out for your custom all year suddenly start charging you a fiver for the right to spend more money in over-crowded bars where it takes twenty minutes to get a drink and there are at least three 'Happy New Year' false alarms. Elsewhere taxi drivers swap their day jobs in favour of running extortion rackets. As a result, up and down the country friends play 'New Year Russian Roulette' refusing to commit to any plans until at the last minute (usually around the 28th December), someone finally cracks and declares that everyone can come to theirs.
Personally, I've never been a fan of New Year's Eve, although I have had some belters (a weekend in Rock conjours up particularly fond memories). No, to me, the passing of another year has really only meant that the festive celebrations are at an end and that I'm another year older! Yet, for once, I'm excited and optimistic about this New Year. Granted, a lot of this is wrapped up in my building giddiness over the Olympics - at this rate, by July they'll have to put me on valium - but most of the excitement is based on the simple fact that 2012 isn't 2011.
In short I can't wait to see the back of this ruddy year. OK, so there have been some high points - the weddings of Kate & Wills and Sophie & Chris most notably - but let's be honest, it's not been a vintage. Compared with the various trials and tribulations I've watched a number of friends and relations go through, mine's probably been fair to middling, but I wouldn't describe it as an easy, plain-sailing sort of year. However, as I gaze back and survey the wreckage like the opening scene from Lost, somehow everyone is still present and correct, still just about smiling, albeit with an array of battle scars and a greater tolerance for alcohol!
When I look back on where I was this time last year, I don't think I'd ever have imagined that this year would have turned out the way it has, but with the new year on the horizon there is lots to look forward to. At the very least 2011 has made me appreciate things I previously took for granted. For starters I have a greater affection for the Royal Family than I ever knew and I've learnt that I genuinely can't be without a Smartphone! Perhaps more importantly, in the maelstrom of the long-term break-up, I managed to qualify for my Chartered Institute of Marketing Diploma and get promoted at work, so I'm clearly tougher, more resilient and more practical than I thought. I've also managed to say a sad but fond farewell to the past eleven years devoid (I think) of any anger or bitterness and find myself generally wishing the ex and the 'replacement me' the very best of happiness - so maybe I'm not as far away from the fair, rational and decent person I always try to be as I sometimes think - that said, I do comfort myself with the fact that I regard myself as infinitely superior to the new me on virtually every level (sorry, couldn't resist it). Most of all, however, 2011 has made me appreciate how very fortunate I am to be surrounded by such amazing, warm, considerate, funny and inspiring friends and family who have laughed with me, cried with me and mostly got very, very drunk with me. My biggest fear was being alone, but thanks to you I haven't had to be. You will never know the positive difference you've made and continue to make to my little ol' life.
It only remains for me to say, that if you've had a good year then I am genuinely pleased for you - little bits of your happiness and enthusiasm have rubbed of on the rest of us and made the tough bits that little bit easier. If you've had a stinker of a year, then congratulate yourself for making it through in one piece and comfort yourself with the knowledge that 2012 is going to be amazing. And whatever role you've played in my life this year, know that you're incredibly special, and I wish you and your loved ones the most amazing, enjoyable and stress-free new year.
2012 - BRING IT ON!
Wednesday, 28 December 2011
Day 220 (28 December 2011) - It's the Final Countdown...
...doodle do dooo, doodle doodle do do' etc/'
Hello! Given that one of the central themes of this blog has been music and it's well know that I'm a music-stat spod, I thought it only right and proper to bring you my own personal Top 10 tunes of 2011.
Now before I get into this, I should point out that whilst I have a broad knowledge and appreciation of music, I am not an expert. Yes, I was handy on the recorder as child, yes, I have been known to play my teeth (where's That's Life when you need it?) and yes, I'm still the best person in a music quiz I know, but Gareth Malone, I am not. I'm putting this caveat in now, because in compiling this list I (and I agonised for minutes over this), I quickly realised that my songs of the year were going to be a world away from those produced by various musos in the industry press - and in many cases my selections would be regarded as utter tripe.
With this in mind, there was a temptation to lob in some more 'acceptable' selections, but then I thought 'sod it - my gaff my rules'. In addition, many of you will have heard me ramble on ad nauseum about my mission to rid the world of bullshit. If you haven't, the theory behind this is as follows:
Here we go:
10. James Blake - Limit to your love
Probably the most obscure track on my list, but a perfect Sunday morning track. James Blake has an amazing voice. Be warned - it contains some big, empty pauses, so you'll think it's finished before it has. Just a shame the rest of the album wasn't as good,
9. Beyonce - Best thing I never had
Ooh, Beyonce, how you've teased me this year! Everything she's released has disappointed me on first hearing, but like ragwort has slowly embedded itself in my brain. I felt sooooo letdown by the album '4' and thought it was rubbish, but having gone back to it recently, now love every single song. My current fave is Love on Top, which nearly made it into the list, but as 'Best Thing I Never Had' is my third most played song of the year, I plumped for this instead. 'I bet it sucks to be you right now'! That said, much as I now love the album, there's nothing in the same league as her classics (Crazy in Love would be in my all time Top 10).
8. Saturdays - Notorious
Apparently The Saturdays have had 12 hits thus far yet I bet most people would struggle to name three. I have to admit that when I heard this song, I had no idea it was The Saturdays, being so different from the typical three-minute bubble-gum pop they'd released previously. However, it is definitely them and it is definitely a choon (particularly when having a wiggle)
7. Ed Sheeran - Lego House
Aah, little Ed. Like a little hobbit he burst upon the scene this year. This is what I love about the download era - someone like Ed Sheeran would not have made it in previous times, being neither cool enough or pretty enough to have been signed. Yet his debut album has sold over a million copies in the UK and he's watched by gazillions on Youtube. That said, I find him a little annoying, but will forgive him for this beautiful song (I wonder if Lego get royalties?)
6. Saturdays - All Fired Up
I admit to being slightly embarrassed. Having one song by The Saturdays in this list is bad enough, but two!? Lordy! Yet it's a thumper of a song and probably one of the most innovative dance tunes of the year - much better than any of the formulaic or recycled stuff most producers are churning out (yes, Monsieur Guetta, I do mean you.)
5. Nicki Minaj - Super Bass
Forget Lady Gaga, you want proper bonkers? Then Nicki Minaj is your girl. She looks and raps like someone who's given her carer the slip whilst out at bingo. This song is, however, a belter particularly when she does that weird thing with her voice. As mad as a box of frogs, but I love her for it
4. Adele - Rolling in the Deep
A quick glance at my ITunes account shows that of my 25 Most Played songs of the year, 13 of them are by Adele - this probably mirrors 85% of the UK population this year. Every single song on 21 is a belter (although He Won't Go sits a bit oddly for me in the middle of the album). This is an absolute stonker of a song that demands to be bellowed at the top of your voice. The hours I've sat in the bath with my good friend, Sauvignon, hollering 'we could have had it alllllllllllllll'.
3. Tiesto ft Busta Rhymes - C'mon (catch 'em by surprise)
I've always wanted to be Busta Rhymes. In a world of over-hyped rappers who can barely speak, let alone rap (50 Cent, P-Diddy), Busta Rhymes has always struck me as being both technically brilliant and slightly eccentric. This song, in which he combines with German Techno DJ extraordinaire, Tiesto, is a little work of genius. It's also THE best song to workout to you will hear in a very long while.
2. Maroon 5 ft Christina Aguilera - Moves like Jagger
This was the year's 'grower not a shower'. When it first landed in the charts in August, I'd never heard it and couldn't find anyone else who had. 18 weeks later and it's still knocking around the Top 20 having spent six weeks at number 2. It's 3:21 of sheer joy combining a melody that makes you want to sing along and beat you simply have to wiggle to. Compare and contrast to that witch, Cher Lloyd's, 'Swagger Jagger' which wins my vote as worst song of the year.
1. Adele - Someone Like You
Apparently I've played this song 183 times this year - that's once every other day. Granted, a number of them were packed together in March / April during what I've termed 'my Bridget Jones moments' and usually came as a pair with 'Rolling in the Deep' (sometimes I'd go angry -sad, others I'd go sad - angry, depending on the mood). I first heard Adele perform this song at the end of last year on the Jools Holland show and instantly put it down as an all-time classic. I was also fortunate enough to hear her sing it live at her album launch in a Notting Hill pub in January, where she described how she's come to write the song 'I was basically on my knees', and reduced many members of the audience to tears. It was, however, her unforgettable performance at the Brits that catapulted it to Number One and has gone on to make it the biggest selling single of the year by some margin. The sense of loss coupled with the sense of decency and dignity make it the saddest song I've ever heard, but Adele's amazing delivery and the simplicity of the live version (are you listening, Leona?) make it a thing of absolute beauty. In a year of some corking songs, 'Someone Like You' stood head and shoulders above everything else.
...honourable mentions should go to Emeli Sande - Heaven, Christine Perri - Jar of Hearts and Pitbull - Give me Everything.
Think my selections are abysmal? Have I missed out on your favourite? Then let me know!
Hello! Given that one of the central themes of this blog has been music and it's well know that I'm a music-stat spod, I thought it only right and proper to bring you my own personal Top 10 tunes of 2011.
Now before I get into this, I should point out that whilst I have a broad knowledge and appreciation of music, I am not an expert. Yes, I was handy on the recorder as child, yes, I have been known to play my teeth (where's That's Life when you need it?) and yes, I'm still the best person in a music quiz I know, but Gareth Malone, I am not. I'm putting this caveat in now, because in compiling this list I (and I agonised for minutes over this), I quickly realised that my songs of the year were going to be a world away from those produced by various musos in the industry press - and in many cases my selections would be regarded as utter tripe.
With this in mind, there was a temptation to lob in some more 'acceptable' selections, but then I thought 'sod it - my gaff my rules'. In addition, many of you will have heard me ramble on ad nauseum about my mission to rid the world of bullshit. If you haven't, the theory behind this is as follows:
- Everyone is bumbling through life, making it up as they go along
- Everyone pretends they're not making it up and actually have all aspects of their life under control as part of a long-term grand plan
- Everyone looks at everyone else and thinks 'oh 'eck, everyone around me has everything sorted. It's just me that doesn't, therefore I'm slightly inadequate'
- Everyone feels slightly inadequate
- If everyone was a bit more honest about the first point, we'd all be happier and the world would be a nicer place
Here we go:
10. James Blake - Limit to your love
Probably the most obscure track on my list, but a perfect Sunday morning track. James Blake has an amazing voice. Be warned - it contains some big, empty pauses, so you'll think it's finished before it has. Just a shame the rest of the album wasn't as good,
9. Beyonce - Best thing I never had
Ooh, Beyonce, how you've teased me this year! Everything she's released has disappointed me on first hearing, but like ragwort has slowly embedded itself in my brain. I felt sooooo letdown by the album '4' and thought it was rubbish, but having gone back to it recently, now love every single song. My current fave is Love on Top, which nearly made it into the list, but as 'Best Thing I Never Had' is my third most played song of the year, I plumped for this instead. 'I bet it sucks to be you right now'! That said, much as I now love the album, there's nothing in the same league as her classics (Crazy in Love would be in my all time Top 10).
8. Saturdays - Notorious
Apparently The Saturdays have had 12 hits thus far yet I bet most people would struggle to name three. I have to admit that when I heard this song, I had no idea it was The Saturdays, being so different from the typical three-minute bubble-gum pop they'd released previously. However, it is definitely them and it is definitely a choon (particularly when having a wiggle)
7. Ed Sheeran - Lego House
Aah, little Ed. Like a little hobbit he burst upon the scene this year. This is what I love about the download era - someone like Ed Sheeran would not have made it in previous times, being neither cool enough or pretty enough to have been signed. Yet his debut album has sold over a million copies in the UK and he's watched by gazillions on Youtube. That said, I find him a little annoying, but will forgive him for this beautiful song (I wonder if Lego get royalties?)
6. Saturdays - All Fired Up
I admit to being slightly embarrassed. Having one song by The Saturdays in this list is bad enough, but two!? Lordy! Yet it's a thumper of a song and probably one of the most innovative dance tunes of the year - much better than any of the formulaic or recycled stuff most producers are churning out (yes, Monsieur Guetta, I do mean you.)
5. Nicki Minaj - Super Bass
Forget Lady Gaga, you want proper bonkers? Then Nicki Minaj is your girl. She looks and raps like someone who's given her carer the slip whilst out at bingo. This song is, however, a belter particularly when she does that weird thing with her voice. As mad as a box of frogs, but I love her for it
4. Adele - Rolling in the Deep
A quick glance at my ITunes account shows that of my 25 Most Played songs of the year, 13 of them are by Adele - this probably mirrors 85% of the UK population this year. Every single song on 21 is a belter (although He Won't Go sits a bit oddly for me in the middle of the album). This is an absolute stonker of a song that demands to be bellowed at the top of your voice. The hours I've sat in the bath with my good friend, Sauvignon, hollering 'we could have had it alllllllllllllll'.
3. Tiesto ft Busta Rhymes - C'mon (catch 'em by surprise)
I've always wanted to be Busta Rhymes. In a world of over-hyped rappers who can barely speak, let alone rap (50 Cent, P-Diddy), Busta Rhymes has always struck me as being both technically brilliant and slightly eccentric. This song, in which he combines with German Techno DJ extraordinaire, Tiesto, is a little work of genius. It's also THE best song to workout to you will hear in a very long while.
2. Maroon 5 ft Christina Aguilera - Moves like Jagger
This was the year's 'grower not a shower'. When it first landed in the charts in August, I'd never heard it and couldn't find anyone else who had. 18 weeks later and it's still knocking around the Top 20 having spent six weeks at number 2. It's 3:21 of sheer joy combining a melody that makes you want to sing along and beat you simply have to wiggle to. Compare and contrast to that witch, Cher Lloyd's, 'Swagger Jagger' which wins my vote as worst song of the year.
1. Adele - Someone Like You
Apparently I've played this song 183 times this year - that's once every other day. Granted, a number of them were packed together in March / April during what I've termed 'my Bridget Jones moments' and usually came as a pair with 'Rolling in the Deep' (sometimes I'd go angry -sad, others I'd go sad - angry, depending on the mood). I first heard Adele perform this song at the end of last year on the Jools Holland show and instantly put it down as an all-time classic. I was also fortunate enough to hear her sing it live at her album launch in a Notting Hill pub in January, where she described how she's come to write the song 'I was basically on my knees', and reduced many members of the audience to tears. It was, however, her unforgettable performance at the Brits that catapulted it to Number One and has gone on to make it the biggest selling single of the year by some margin. The sense of loss coupled with the sense of decency and dignity make it the saddest song I've ever heard, but Adele's amazing delivery and the simplicity of the live version (are you listening, Leona?) make it a thing of absolute beauty. In a year of some corking songs, 'Someone Like You' stood head and shoulders above everything else.
...honourable mentions should go to Emeli Sande - Heaven, Christine Perri - Jar of Hearts and Pitbull - Give me Everything.
Think my selections are abysmal? Have I missed out on your favourite? Then let me know!
Friday, 16 December 2011
Day 206 (14 December 2011) - Diggi Loo, Diggi Ley...
...life is goin' my way, when I'm walking in my golden boots'
Now, don't worry, I haven't gone all 'Gok Wan' and purchased some golden footwear - although I do have a fine selection of colourful trainers. No, for those that don't remember, Diggi Loo, Diggi Ley was the winning song from the 1984 Eurovision Song Contest, sang by Swedish brothers 'Herrey's'. Look here they are...
...and to think, some people actually want the 80s back?!
When we last spoke (I know, it's been too long again), I was seeking 'a chitty' for three of my challenges, the first of which I detailed in the last post. I'm pleased to say that nobody cried 'foul' so I'm taking that as acceptance of my sidestep. The point of this particular ramble (amazingly, they do all have a point) is to seek your approval for a similar avoidance of Challenge 4 - Attend the Biathlon World Cup in Antholz (Ellen).
For the uninitated, biathlon is simply the greatest sport ever invented! It has few links to triathlon and absolutely nothing to do with Michael Barrymore. It is, instead, a combination of cross-country skiing and shooting. Essentially, you ski your nuts off (cross-country skiing is regarded as the most complete physical work out of any sport) and then, when you're body is shaking with fatigue, you have to shoot five targets, the size of a golf ball, from 50 metres. For each shot missed, you ski a penalty loop before heading out to do it all over again. It's a combination of athleticism, skill, mental strength and sheer excitement.
Now I know what you're thinking; 'Biathlon isn't that big in Putney' and you'd be right (although you can rollerski in Richmond Park), 'so how did you get into this, Craig - do tell' The answer is simple - drink. I discovered the sport, by chance, whilst nursing bad hangovers on Saturday mornings for it is a staple event on Eurosport. Within weeks I was hooked and within months Jam & I found ourselves up an Italian Alp in Antholz, Italy, enjoying the World Championships. Whilst we'd expected the spectacle of the sport to be good, there were a number of unexpected joys we discovered during this first trip:
1. Biathlon fans love the British - not something you can say in most sports, but then we tend to be competitive in most. In biathlon we are the perennial plucky losers. Our team, made up of hardy army types, lack the training, experience and equipment of the world's best biathlon nations (Norway, Germany, Russia, France and Sweden). As a result we can normally be found at the back of the field, battling the Serbians and the Lithuanians (miles behind the Estonians, Koreans and Bulgarians) - but, such is the physicality of the sport that our boys and girls still do us proud.
2. The cameraderie - biathlon fans are totally bonkers, but soooo friendly. Of course, everyone is rooting for their national team, but banners bearing phrases such as 'Biathlon Fans love all Biathletes' are common. Standing on a concrete step for three hours at minus six isn't particularly pleasant, so shot glasses are passed round, food shared and huddling is encouraged. Combine this with point one and we are generally treated like celebrities - people actually want to have their photo taken with us simply for being British?!
3.The drink - outside of the actual races, attending a biathlon is like being at the Oktoberfest. The moment the last biathlete has crossed the finish line (normally one of ours), everyone decamps to giant beer tents, where dodgy German bands attempt ambitious covers of classics whilst everyone dances on tables and benches. Meanwhile every waves their national flag like loons. This goes on for several hours before en masse, everyone heads to the nearest town / village for more beer.
It was during our second visit to Antholz where Piggy, Jam and I were fortunate enough to meet biathlon afficianados Ellen, Cathrine, Ingrid and Annika, four wonderful Norwegian friends, who volunteer in Antholz every year and who, we've since found out, are the organising committee of the Norwegian leg of the biathlon tour. Ellen, who's a nurse, expressed concern as to the well-being of Piggy, who was so drunk he could barely stand. At one point he wandered off suddenly. When I finally caught up with him, I asked him why he'd disappeared. 'It was too stuffy in there, I needed to get outside for some air' he replied. It was at that point we realised how much trouble he was in, as we had actually been outside - at minus four - the entire time! The train and bus journey to the stadium the following day, is one we'll never forget :-)
Our Norwegian friends bowled us over with their generosity. As well as being generally lovely, they got us into the 'plush' beer cabin, gave us a lift from the stadium, invited us to dinner, gave us Norwegian biathlon hats, gave me a biathlon annual (and you know how much I love a stat) and even secured us a meeting with the British Eurosport commentators. Here's a shot of us with Mike 'the legend' Dixon, commentator and Britain's best ever biathlete:
...and one of us with the girls
So it was with a heavy heart that I had to turn down this challenge and reject a return trip to Antholz. The reason, once again, was financial - Challenge 28 -Buy a flat in Putney, ain't cheap you know (more to come on that soon, I hope). In addition, this year has made me realise that my wonderful friends and family are the bedrock of my existence and with my brother having moved to Sweden, I figured a visit to see him and his gorgeous family was very much in order.
However, I don't want you to think that I take these challenges lightly and throw them away at a whim - everyone is considered carefully. Therefore, I decided to kill two birds with one stone and divert my annual biathlon trip to the Swedish round of the World Cup tour. Thus last weekend by big bro and I travelled up to the town of Ostersund (I'm reliably informed it's halfway up Sweden, but as far as I'm concerned it's practically the North Pole). And what a wonderful time we had -we saw some great racing, met some new members of the British Biathlon team (all members of the army -one ski'd for the first time three weeks previously?!) and drank our own bodyweight in beer - oh and the British girl came last! Andrew learnt a valuable lesson that Swedish people at the bar don't queue - when he suggested to a young girl that she had pushed in ahead of him, she responded by giving him a swift elbow to the eye socket resulting in a beautiful black eye. The good news is that my bro is now a biathlon convert and is looking forward to a trip to Antholz in 2013.
Ladies - I missed you, but I haven't yet written off Challenge 3 - Attend the Biathlon World Cup in Oslo (Ingrid), which is scheduled for February, although it, like everything else in my life at the moment, is 'flat dependent'.
Right, off to watch some more biathlon.
Now, don't worry, I haven't gone all 'Gok Wan' and purchased some golden footwear - although I do have a fine selection of colourful trainers. No, for those that don't remember, Diggi Loo, Diggi Ley was the winning song from the 1984 Eurovision Song Contest, sang by Swedish brothers 'Herrey's'. Look here they are...
...and to think, some people actually want the 80s back?!
When we last spoke (I know, it's been too long again), I was seeking 'a chitty' for three of my challenges, the first of which I detailed in the last post. I'm pleased to say that nobody cried 'foul' so I'm taking that as acceptance of my sidestep. The point of this particular ramble (amazingly, they do all have a point) is to seek your approval for a similar avoidance of Challenge 4 - Attend the Biathlon World Cup in Antholz (Ellen).
For the uninitated, biathlon is simply the greatest sport ever invented! It has few links to triathlon and absolutely nothing to do with Michael Barrymore. It is, instead, a combination of cross-country skiing and shooting. Essentially, you ski your nuts off (cross-country skiing is regarded as the most complete physical work out of any sport) and then, when you're body is shaking with fatigue, you have to shoot five targets, the size of a golf ball, from 50 metres. For each shot missed, you ski a penalty loop before heading out to do it all over again. It's a combination of athleticism, skill, mental strength and sheer excitement.
Now I know what you're thinking; 'Biathlon isn't that big in Putney' and you'd be right (although you can rollerski in Richmond Park), 'so how did you get into this, Craig - do tell' The answer is simple - drink. I discovered the sport, by chance, whilst nursing bad hangovers on Saturday mornings for it is a staple event on Eurosport. Within weeks I was hooked and within months Jam & I found ourselves up an Italian Alp in Antholz, Italy, enjoying the World Championships. Whilst we'd expected the spectacle of the sport to be good, there were a number of unexpected joys we discovered during this first trip:
1. Biathlon fans love the British - not something you can say in most sports, but then we tend to be competitive in most. In biathlon we are the perennial plucky losers. Our team, made up of hardy army types, lack the training, experience and equipment of the world's best biathlon nations (Norway, Germany, Russia, France and Sweden). As a result we can normally be found at the back of the field, battling the Serbians and the Lithuanians (miles behind the Estonians, Koreans and Bulgarians) - but, such is the physicality of the sport that our boys and girls still do us proud.
2. The cameraderie - biathlon fans are totally bonkers, but soooo friendly. Of course, everyone is rooting for their national team, but banners bearing phrases such as 'Biathlon Fans love all Biathletes' are common. Standing on a concrete step for three hours at minus six isn't particularly pleasant, so shot glasses are passed round, food shared and huddling is encouraged. Combine this with point one and we are generally treated like celebrities - people actually want to have their photo taken with us simply for being British?!
3.The drink - outside of the actual races, attending a biathlon is like being at the Oktoberfest. The moment the last biathlete has crossed the finish line (normally one of ours), everyone decamps to giant beer tents, where dodgy German bands attempt ambitious covers of classics whilst everyone dances on tables and benches. Meanwhile every waves their national flag like loons. This goes on for several hours before en masse, everyone heads to the nearest town / village for more beer.
It was during our second visit to Antholz where Piggy, Jam and I were fortunate enough to meet biathlon afficianados Ellen, Cathrine, Ingrid and Annika, four wonderful Norwegian friends, who volunteer in Antholz every year and who, we've since found out, are the organising committee of the Norwegian leg of the biathlon tour. Ellen, who's a nurse, expressed concern as to the well-being of Piggy, who was so drunk he could barely stand. At one point he wandered off suddenly. When I finally caught up with him, I asked him why he'd disappeared. 'It was too stuffy in there, I needed to get outside for some air' he replied. It was at that point we realised how much trouble he was in, as we had actually been outside - at minus four - the entire time! The train and bus journey to the stadium the following day, is one we'll never forget :-)
Our Norwegian friends bowled us over with their generosity. As well as being generally lovely, they got us into the 'plush' beer cabin, gave us a lift from the stadium, invited us to dinner, gave us Norwegian biathlon hats, gave me a biathlon annual (and you know how much I love a stat) and even secured us a meeting with the British Eurosport commentators. Here's a shot of us with Mike 'the legend' Dixon, commentator and Britain's best ever biathlete:
However, I don't want you to think that I take these challenges lightly and throw them away at a whim - everyone is considered carefully. Therefore, I decided to kill two birds with one stone and divert my annual biathlon trip to the Swedish round of the World Cup tour. Thus last weekend by big bro and I travelled up to the town of Ostersund (I'm reliably informed it's halfway up Sweden, but as far as I'm concerned it's practically the North Pole). And what a wonderful time we had -we saw some great racing, met some new members of the British Biathlon team (all members of the army -one ski'd for the first time three weeks previously?!) and drank our own bodyweight in beer - oh and the British girl came last! Andrew learnt a valuable lesson that Swedish people at the bar don't queue - when he suggested to a young girl that she had pushed in ahead of him, she responded by giving him a swift elbow to the eye socket resulting in a beautiful black eye. The good news is that my bro is now a biathlon convert and is looking forward to a trip to Antholz in 2013.
Ladies - I missed you, but I haven't yet written off Challenge 3 - Attend the Biathlon World Cup in Oslo (Ingrid), which is scheduled for February, although it, like everything else in my life at the moment, is 'flat dependent'.
Right, off to watch some more biathlon.
Monday, 21 November 2011
Day 183 (21 November 2011) - 'Half a sixpence...
...is better than half a farthing'
Whoever thought Tommy Steele would be responsible for such wise words eh? Yet, there is much to admire in his 'gor blimey guv'nor' delivery of 'Half a Sixpence' for sometimes there is value and merit in things which may appear to be fairly worthless (you can tell I'm building up to an excuse, can't you).
Half a Sixpence is one of those songs that everybody knows the first line to and not much else. Even I, a total saddo when it comes to song lyrics, had to look up the second line of the song to see exactly what Half a Sixpence was better than - personally I'd have had a punt at ricketts, but I guess that's why I'm not a songwriter. It set me thinking of other songs which, by and large, no-one knows the words to. I came up with the following (NB if it's just me, please humour me):
1. Snow - 'Informer' ('Informer, you know scheboogie boogie gonna blame a licky boom boom down')
2. The Singing Nun - 'Dominique':
3. Any fast Red Hot Chilli Peppers song - they only have the two tunes; the fast one (think Give it Away) and the slow one (think Under the Bridge)
4. Hanson - 'Mmmbop' ('Mmmbop, oochie, coochie, cock, doowop')
5. Dexys Midnight Runners - 'Come on Eileen'. Does ANYONE know the second line to this song? I'm almost convinced that they couldn't be bothered to write one and just garbled any old nonsense to bridge the gap to the chorus (for a real example of this in action, I can thoroughly recommend 'Chacarron' by El Chombo).
Anyway, back to the point of the post, namely that I'm seeking some dispensation on three of my challenges...well, if I'm going try and fudge one, I might as well go for a job lot. Your understanding would be greatly appreciated. For reasons of brevity - not a word you'd ever associate with me - I'm going to make each case in separate posts or we'll be here all week. So today's please for mercy goes as follows:
Challenge 1 - Abseil down the Royal Liverpool Hospital (Michelle)
I feel a bit like a child asking for an extension on his homework after it was due in, for this challenge took place in October and I was nowhere near Liverpool, let alone dangling off the side of the Hospital. My reasons for this were threefold - I had to work that weekend, I'm trying to save money so decided that a trip to Liverpool wasn't cost effective and (most importantly) Michelle has already backed out.
You'd be well within your rights, to ask me to throw myself off another fairly large building in the near future, if you do, may I request that this involves some ropes and a safety harness, please. I am, however, asking for clemency on the grounds that a few weeks I went indoor climbing for the first time, which involved a degree of abseiling back down the wall.
I have to be totally honest - clambouring up a wall wasn't my choice of how to spend a Wednesday afternoon, but myself and a colleague were taken by one our our event partners by way of a team building activity. They had originally suggested touch rugby, but I was slightly worried that I'd get too competitive and put in a thundering tackle on one of the lovely young ladies who we work with . OK, so I was equally worried that some large chap would deck me too - pretty much my sole memories of playing rugby at school (I quickly learnt to play scrum half - put the ball in the scrum, get it out and get rid of it as quickly as possible, before running in the other direction!) Having put Touch Rugby to bed, we were asked for our ideas of what we should do instead. Sadly my suggestion of bingo and a gin tasting didn't go down too well, so instead we found ourselves at the world's largest indoor climbing arena.
I don't know why I'd always put off climbing. I'm quite good with heights and generally quite fit, however I guess, much like skiing, it's the fear of what can go wrong, for I have possibly the lowest pain threshold of anyone in the western world - yes, I am one of those people who says 'Ooooowww' before I've even been touched! As a result it's one of those activities that never remotely appealed - much like wearing colourful trousers, listening to John Lennon or getting anything waxed. Yet, there I was in a pair of ridiculously tight shoes staring up at a 30ft wall
...and I really enjoyed it! Granted I found 'belaying' (standing at the bottom, controlling the tension of the climber's rope so that they don't crash to the ground) a bit stressful - it's a helluva responsibility - but the climbing itself was fun and I was surprisingly good at it, for a chap with little legs! In fact, I took to it so well, that in a race to the top I hammered the main guy from our event partner (maybe not the best business decision I've ever taken). OK, so he was on a slightly harder wall, but in my head I was a contestant on Gladiators and had Nightshade on my tail. Once you've reached the top, the only way down is to abseil back to terra firma, something I found tremendously fun (I may even have said 'weeeeeeeeeee' all the way down).
So, I didn't abseil down the side of the Royal Liverpool Hospital, but I have abseiled. Will this do?
Whoever thought Tommy Steele would be responsible for such wise words eh? Yet, there is much to admire in his 'gor blimey guv'nor' delivery of 'Half a Sixpence' for sometimes there is value and merit in things which may appear to be fairly worthless (you can tell I'm building up to an excuse, can't you).
Half a Sixpence is one of those songs that everybody knows the first line to and not much else. Even I, a total saddo when it comes to song lyrics, had to look up the second line of the song to see exactly what Half a Sixpence was better than - personally I'd have had a punt at ricketts, but I guess that's why I'm not a songwriter. It set me thinking of other songs which, by and large, no-one knows the words to. I came up with the following (NB if it's just me, please humour me):
1. Snow - 'Informer' ('Informer, you know scheboogie boogie gonna blame a licky boom boom down')
2. The Singing Nun - 'Dominique':
3. Any fast Red Hot Chilli Peppers song - they only have the two tunes; the fast one (think Give it Away) and the slow one (think Under the Bridge)
4. Hanson - 'Mmmbop' ('Mmmbop, oochie, coochie, cock, doowop')
5. Dexys Midnight Runners - 'Come on Eileen'. Does ANYONE know the second line to this song? I'm almost convinced that they couldn't be bothered to write one and just garbled any old nonsense to bridge the gap to the chorus (for a real example of this in action, I can thoroughly recommend 'Chacarron' by El Chombo).
Anyway, back to the point of the post, namely that I'm seeking some dispensation on three of my challenges...well, if I'm going try and fudge one, I might as well go for a job lot. Your understanding would be greatly appreciated. For reasons of brevity - not a word you'd ever associate with me - I'm going to make each case in separate posts or we'll be here all week. So today's please for mercy goes as follows:
Challenge 1 - Abseil down the Royal Liverpool Hospital (Michelle)
I feel a bit like a child asking for an extension on his homework after it was due in, for this challenge took place in October and I was nowhere near Liverpool, let alone dangling off the side of the Hospital. My reasons for this were threefold - I had to work that weekend, I'm trying to save money so decided that a trip to Liverpool wasn't cost effective and (most importantly) Michelle has already backed out.
You'd be well within your rights, to ask me to throw myself off another fairly large building in the near future, if you do, may I request that this involves some ropes and a safety harness, please. I am, however, asking for clemency on the grounds that a few weeks I went indoor climbing for the first time, which involved a degree of abseiling back down the wall.
I have to be totally honest - clambouring up a wall wasn't my choice of how to spend a Wednesday afternoon, but myself and a colleague were taken by one our our event partners by way of a team building activity. They had originally suggested touch rugby, but I was slightly worried that I'd get too competitive and put in a thundering tackle on one of the lovely young ladies who we work with . OK, so I was equally worried that some large chap would deck me too - pretty much my sole memories of playing rugby at school (I quickly learnt to play scrum half - put the ball in the scrum, get it out and get rid of it as quickly as possible, before running in the other direction!) Having put Touch Rugby to bed, we were asked for our ideas of what we should do instead. Sadly my suggestion of bingo and a gin tasting didn't go down too well, so instead we found ourselves at the world's largest indoor climbing arena.
I don't know why I'd always put off climbing. I'm quite good with heights and generally quite fit, however I guess, much like skiing, it's the fear of what can go wrong, for I have possibly the lowest pain threshold of anyone in the western world - yes, I am one of those people who says 'Ooooowww' before I've even been touched! As a result it's one of those activities that never remotely appealed - much like wearing colourful trousers, listening to John Lennon or getting anything waxed. Yet, there I was in a pair of ridiculously tight shoes staring up at a 30ft wall
...and I really enjoyed it! Granted I found 'belaying' (standing at the bottom, controlling the tension of the climber's rope so that they don't crash to the ground) a bit stressful - it's a helluva responsibility - but the climbing itself was fun and I was surprisingly good at it, for a chap with little legs! In fact, I took to it so well, that in a race to the top I hammered the main guy from our event partner (maybe not the best business decision I've ever taken). OK, so he was on a slightly harder wall, but in my head I was a contestant on Gladiators and had Nightshade on my tail. Once you've reached the top, the only way down is to abseil back to terra firma, something I found tremendously fun (I may even have said 'weeeeeeeeeee' all the way down).
So, I didn't abseil down the side of the Royal Liverpool Hospital, but I have abseiled. Will this do?
Wednesday, 9 November 2011
Day 171 (9 November 2011) - 'Mind Blowing Decisions
...causes head-on collisions'
In a work situation I can make handle big decisions. I sensibly decide the information I need to make a decision, collate that information, make sound assumptions for any missing bits, weigh up the various options and the risks associated with each, mix it with a bit of gut instinct and eventually (and usually quickly) reach a decision. I use the same approach when friends ask me for advice and like to think that I'm someone who can be relied on to dispense sound, honest and impartial counsel.
So why is it, when it comes to making decision about my personal life I invariably tie myself up in all sorts of knots, invariably jump to the worst-case scenarios and allow myself to become almost paralysed with fear. It was one of the reasons I started this blog - to prove to myself, through your very kind help - that I could approach personal 'stuff' with the same confidence as I do at work or when meddling in the lives of others!
I think I've done alright up to now, resisting the urge to say 'no' when faced with unfamiliar situations I would usually have run a mile from and have, on occasions, deliberatly thrown myself into tasks and challenges which have scared me.
Quite why my default approach to big life decisions is to simply panic is unclear. Maybe, being the youngest of three children, I was overly protected when growing up and always had my parents or my big brothers to make things OK. As an adult I've always had someone I can rely on to make things happen, whether it be Katie at university - one of my oldest friends who did the same course as me and ended up as my housemate; my brother, when I moved to London - I moved into his flat, where I stayed for five years; or the ex who always took care of the big decisions such as where we lived, I've spent my entire life being surrounded by people who would always 'make it alright' or at least give the feeling that they would!
Why am I raising this now? I've got to make a huge decision about whether to buy a flat. Well, not whether to buy one, because I know this is something I want to do. I've also managed to sort of work out my brief - two bedrooms (so I can rent one out, if required), in need of little work (I can barely change a lightbulb) and must have a bath - that's not too much to ask for, is it? The big issue is where this flat will be. My instinct is drawing me to my lovely old Putney, where I have lived so happily for the last eight years. It's convenient for transport links, has the river and Richmond Park on its doorstep (so is perfect for running), has the lowest council tax in the country and - perhaps least importantly - is safe, secure and familiar...and yet it's this latter point which keeps drawing me back.
Sadly, however, I'm not the only person to recognise the benefits of Putney, so as a result, it's ridiculously expensive - so expensive that most of the properties which meet my brief, don't meet my budget. As a result I've spent the last few weeks looking at some pretty nasty flats and slowly moving my search further and further away from central Putney - hey, but not too far away, that would be reckless!
Finally, on Saturday, I saw a nice two-bed property in Southfields which was lovely once insde, but was housed in a 1960s purpose built concrete block. 'It's OK' I thought, 'it's the inside you're going to be looking at', so having been suitably impressed, the new confident, decisive me put a cheeky, non-negotiable offer in that afternoon.
...except it's been accepted. This should excite me - and I am pleased that my assertive, no-nonsense approach paid off - but any excitement has been completely overwhelmed by the old-style panic. 'What if I'm making a terrible mistake', 'what if there are loads of hidden problems?', 'what happens if I lose my job or get sick?', 'what happens if my neighbours turn out to be some sort of neighbourhood protection racket?'. Financially I'm worried by the lack of contingency, for although I shall be paying the mortgage off every month, buying a flat anywhere near Putney is going to leave me with no 'rainy day' fund and I'll have little surplus cash each month - a situation I assume most homeowners face.
I've had a walk round the area this evening and am beginning to think I'm making a bad mistake - whilst it's privately owned, it's totally surrounded by an enormous council estate - think the Jasmine Allen on The Bill. It is, however, a nice flat inside and, having researched crime stats, there doesn't appear to be any major issues. Whilst my instinct is to back out, there is the fact that if I want to be all snobbish about it, I might well have to moved further out into a completely new area, which is also a risk! Can this beggar really be a chooser? How do you know what to do in these situations?
I guess what it ultimately comes down to is the fact that, whilst I have loads of great friends dispensing all sorts of advice, this decision, this great, big , scary decision, is mine alone to make and for once, and possibly the first time, there's no-one who can 'make it alright' if I get it wrong. On one hand I've never felt so empowered, but on the other, I've never felt quite so alone. Based on this, am I going to feel like this about any flat I see? Right now, I don't quite know how I'm going to resolve this - a coin seems a good a bet as any - , but I now realise that therein lies the beating heart of this whole blog and this whole challenging year thing. How do I learn to be more rational rather than panic and how do I learn to trust myself and my own ability to 'make it alright' rather than needing the ressurance of others. If I can resolve this, surely I can resolve anything? Can't I?
In a work situation I can make handle big decisions. I sensibly decide the information I need to make a decision, collate that information, make sound assumptions for any missing bits, weigh up the various options and the risks associated with each, mix it with a bit of gut instinct and eventually (and usually quickly) reach a decision. I use the same approach when friends ask me for advice and like to think that I'm someone who can be relied on to dispense sound, honest and impartial counsel.
So why is it, when it comes to making decision about my personal life I invariably tie myself up in all sorts of knots, invariably jump to the worst-case scenarios and allow myself to become almost paralysed with fear. It was one of the reasons I started this blog - to prove to myself, through your very kind help - that I could approach personal 'stuff' with the same confidence as I do at work or when meddling in the lives of others!
I think I've done alright up to now, resisting the urge to say 'no' when faced with unfamiliar situations I would usually have run a mile from and have, on occasions, deliberatly thrown myself into tasks and challenges which have scared me.
Quite why my default approach to big life decisions is to simply panic is unclear. Maybe, being the youngest of three children, I was overly protected when growing up and always had my parents or my big brothers to make things OK. As an adult I've always had someone I can rely on to make things happen, whether it be Katie at university - one of my oldest friends who did the same course as me and ended up as my housemate; my brother, when I moved to London - I moved into his flat, where I stayed for five years; or the ex who always took care of the big decisions such as where we lived, I've spent my entire life being surrounded by people who would always 'make it alright' or at least give the feeling that they would!
Why am I raising this now? I've got to make a huge decision about whether to buy a flat. Well, not whether to buy one, because I know this is something I want to do. I've also managed to sort of work out my brief - two bedrooms (so I can rent one out, if required), in need of little work (I can barely change a lightbulb) and must have a bath - that's not too much to ask for, is it? The big issue is where this flat will be. My instinct is drawing me to my lovely old Putney, where I have lived so happily for the last eight years. It's convenient for transport links, has the river and Richmond Park on its doorstep (so is perfect for running), has the lowest council tax in the country and - perhaps least importantly - is safe, secure and familiar...and yet it's this latter point which keeps drawing me back.
Sadly, however, I'm not the only person to recognise the benefits of Putney, so as a result, it's ridiculously expensive - so expensive that most of the properties which meet my brief, don't meet my budget. As a result I've spent the last few weeks looking at some pretty nasty flats and slowly moving my search further and further away from central Putney - hey, but not too far away, that would be reckless!
Finally, on Saturday, I saw a nice two-bed property in Southfields which was lovely once insde, but was housed in a 1960s purpose built concrete block. 'It's OK' I thought, 'it's the inside you're going to be looking at', so having been suitably impressed, the new confident, decisive me put a cheeky, non-negotiable offer in that afternoon.
...except it's been accepted. This should excite me - and I am pleased that my assertive, no-nonsense approach paid off - but any excitement has been completely overwhelmed by the old-style panic. 'What if I'm making a terrible mistake', 'what if there are loads of hidden problems?', 'what happens if I lose my job or get sick?', 'what happens if my neighbours turn out to be some sort of neighbourhood protection racket?'. Financially I'm worried by the lack of contingency, for although I shall be paying the mortgage off every month, buying a flat anywhere near Putney is going to leave me with no 'rainy day' fund and I'll have little surplus cash each month - a situation I assume most homeowners face.
I've had a walk round the area this evening and am beginning to think I'm making a bad mistake - whilst it's privately owned, it's totally surrounded by an enormous council estate - think the Jasmine Allen on The Bill. It is, however, a nice flat inside and, having researched crime stats, there doesn't appear to be any major issues. Whilst my instinct is to back out, there is the fact that if I want to be all snobbish about it, I might well have to moved further out into a completely new area, which is also a risk! Can this beggar really be a chooser? How do you know what to do in these situations?
I guess what it ultimately comes down to is the fact that, whilst I have loads of great friends dispensing all sorts of advice, this decision, this great, big , scary decision, is mine alone to make and for once, and possibly the first time, there's no-one who can 'make it alright' if I get it wrong. On one hand I've never felt so empowered, but on the other, I've never felt quite so alone. Based on this, am I going to feel like this about any flat I see? Right now, I don't quite know how I'm going to resolve this - a coin seems a good a bet as any - , but I now realise that therein lies the beating heart of this whole blog and this whole challenging year thing. How do I learn to be more rational rather than panic and how do I learn to trust myself and my own ability to 'make it alright' rather than needing the ressurance of others. If I can resolve this, surely I can resolve anything? Can't I?
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